Elon Musk posted a lengthy blog entry slamming his CEO predecessor, Martin Eberhard. Ostensibly, Musk is just defending himself against Eberhard's recently-filed lawsuit. But enemies of Musk take note: If Tesla wants to keep Daimler's money, it must keep Musk.

Chris Brown has reached a plea deal with prosecutors for beating up Rihanna. It's not what you would call a stiff sentence, considering:

No one cares that Jon & Kate (Gosselin, from the we-have-8-kids reality show) might divorce. But also, everyone cares. News people, specifically, are paid to care, which can be a hard job. Here's a compilation of those noble folks trying.

The peculiar story of literary lady Cantara Christopher and her relationship to famous father (and aspiring poet) Stephen Gyllenhaal continues. Last we left it, Christopher planned to tell all about her experience with Jake and Maggie's dad. She followed through!

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The Metropolitan Museum of Art laid off 357 people today. This will save them $10 million—$28,000 per layoff. They still have 2,200 employees. Several uncultured questions:

On CNBC today, Jim Cramer had the gall to attack someone for saying things that aren't, in his mind at least, true. Because you shouldn't say things that aren't true! Prepare yourself for a ridiculous clip.

• Ron Perelman's Blue Parrot in East Hampton is now open and serving guacamole and margaritas to Rachel Zoe and Martha Stewart. You'll have to leave your Blackberry at home, though, since texting is banned. [GS]
• La Goulue has been issued a reprieve and will stay open till August. [NYO]
• A roundup of restaurants that just opened, or will be open soon. [Eater]
• Marea just opened, but chef Michael White is already talking expansion. [IC]
• The Setai Club, the "new member's only social club for the Wall Street set," is now accepting membership applications. For $5,000 a year, you'll have a spot for "midday martini-tinged dealmaking," as if that happens anymore. [UD]
• Just in time for your 4th of July barbeque: Danny Meyer gobbles down a bunch of supermarket hot-dogs and picks the winners and losers. [NYM]
• The fast food chain Sonic has arrived. Well, it's arrived in Hasbrouck Heights, New Jersey, but that's about as close as it's going to get for now. [NYP]

In our continuing series of portraits depicting the mental athletes at Fox & Friends trying to wrap their minds around things, we have today the fun-times gang trying to figure out those pesky Uighurs. Are they terrorists? No one knows.

Scripps—the company that closed the Rocky Mountain News and posted a $220 million loss last quarter—is opening its brand new, $95 million headquarters for the Naples (FL) Daily News. It is the worst newspaper business thing ever.

Darcy Stacom, the commercial real estate broker who convinced Mort Zuckerman's Boston Properties to pay $3.5 billion to buy the GM building in 2008, has suggested that Apple cough up a few bucks and pay Zuckerman for the right to rename the tower, so it doesn't sport the name of a bankrupt automaker. Let's hope Steve Jobs sets aside his health issues and moves quickly on this opportunity to plant a glowing white apple at the top of the skyscraper. Considering Zuckerman has already turned the "Citigroup Center" into "601 Lexington Avenue," the GM building may turn into the much blander-sounding "767 Fifth Avenue" if he doesn't. [Reuters]

But no one really cares? Mark Sanford, the governor famous for refusing to accept any stimulus money and then accepting some of the stimulus money and then being forced to take all of it, has been missing for four days.

June 22 @ 12pm PF dressing AH in fun wacky wigs and bathing suits in the PF store on Bowery. [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com]

TMZ is running some barely-watchable video of Perez Hilton's fight with Will.I.Am and the singer's entourage. Verdict: Total slapfight.

Goldman Sachs is denying a report by the Guardian that the bank plans to hand out the "biggest bonus payouts in the firm's 140-year history" later this year. "We won't know what our compensation benefit number is until the end of the fourth quarter, which is at the end of December," explained a spokesman, dismissing the story as "pure speculation." In other words, it may end up being a record amount. But it's too soon to say for sure. And the bank wouldn't want employees to think they could coast from now until the end of the year, now would it? [NYDN]

The northern city will unveil 15 sketches and a sculpture by the late Spanish weirdo, created for his beloved dermatologist. That fellow, Edmund Klein, died and left the collection to his family, who've lent it to the University at Buffalo.

An actor named Kevin Byrd sent a bad, self-composed press release to reporters, which one of them posted on Facebook. A PR blogger picked it up to point out how bad it was. That's when Kevin Byrd came unhinged.

We thought we'd read nothing worse today than Kathryn Jean Lopez's op-ed on John Ensign's affair. But then we read her NRO colleague Andy McCarthy on how Obama is totally an Islamist Fundamentalist!

Chris Brown accepted a plea deal in connection with his Rihanna beat-down back in February. In exchange for a plea of felony assault, Brown will serve five years of probation and will have to perform 180 days of community labor. "Brown also was ordered to stay at least 50 yards away from Rihanna—except at industry events, when it's 10 yards—despite a request from Rihanna's lawyer that the pair be allowed in the same place at the same time." [People, AP]

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