Barack Obama can't remember exactly how he met his wife, Michelle, the mother of his two daughters. But he at least remembers that they did meet, which is the thing that matters, right? So leave him alone!

Chrissie Brodigan was victimized once, when her pug dog threw up on the L train. She was victimized again when she was arrested for the puking incident. Now she may lose her job.

Al Franken has been officially sworn in as a U.S. Senator. [TPM]

After pawning off his highbrow cultural shopping newsletter on the New York Observer, what does Barry Diller buy? Sites for people with fetishes for the "Big and Beautiful," Black Baby Boomers and Italians. Diller, after all, knows from picky. (Pic)

Not content with ruining the Fourth of July weekends of dozens of cable-news personalities and producers, Sarah Palin followed up by dragging poor Andrea Mitchell and a bunch of other saps to some godforsaken fishing hole in Alaska last night.

Where is Ruth Madoff? As of today, she could be anywhere in the world: "Federal prosecutors allowed Ruth Madoff to get her passport back today, in what people involved in the case said was 'a clear sign' she will not be prosecuted as an accomplice in her husband's $65 billion Ponzi scheme." If you spot her shopping at the Hermès in Beijing—or attempting to mix in with the locals in Hanoi—please let us know. [ABC News via Dealbreaker]

Speaking of important Michael Jackson news, pancake-painter-to-the-stars Dan Lacey has some! He painted this moving portrait of "Joe Jackson with a Michael Jackson memorial ticket and a pancake upon his head." Ebay is censoring it!

Brooke Astor's son, Anthony Marshall, could just be under the weather. Or he could be hoping to delay the inevitable as his trial groans along. But for the third time in less than a month, Marshall called in sick today and said he had to visit his doctor's office instead of appear in court. Last time around, the 85-year-old explained his absence by saying he'd had an accident on his treadmill. And while his lawyer didn't disclose what today's ailment was, let's hope neither a a trapeze nor hang glider were involved, or else this trial has no chance of coming to a close before the end of 2009. [NYDN]

A popularity contest that pits snobby Saks Fifth Avenue against a lady who gave away free money? It's no contest! Saks is mad because this lady—who worked there—gave away $1.4 million of their money. Counterpoint: people like money!

Michael Jackson died. And today is the huge, public memorial clusterfuck. On this post we'll be sharing, in the comments, our reactions to the event as it unfolds on every television network ever. Join us!

Remember that dizzying, quarter-mile-high glass observation deck that opened on the 103rd story of Chicago's Sears Tower recently? Well, the New York Times now has an interesting article about the science of making the damn thing work without killing anyone.

Remember back in February when Mayor Bloomberg announced a program to "retrain" laid-off Wall Streeters for careers in other professions? No word yet on how former Bear Stearns brokers and Lehman mortgage traders have adjusted to their new careers as "repossession collection specialists"—a booming profession, we should point out—but the early signs must be encouraging, since Bloomberg now says he plans to do the same thing with unemployed media professionals, too:

The trail between the Washington Post and Huffington Post is becoming something of a pipeline: ousted liberal WaPo columnist Dan Froomkin has landed at Arianna Huffington's well-funded website. His new home may be worse than the old one.

China's having some wee riots by a few troublesome dead-ender Uighurs. Hundreds are dead. The media always wants to "cover" things like this. China has a new media management strategy, though: savvy PR! The Uighurs have a counter-strategy: breaking shit.

Judge Denny Chin sure has an interesting caseload. Last week, the federal judge appointed to the bench by Bill Clinton was in the papers after sentencing Bernie Madoff to 150 years in prison. So what great legal matters is he tending to this week? He's hearing opening arguments in a $60 million libel lawsuit filed by Howard K. Stern against former talk show host Rita Cosby, who alleged in her 2007 bestselling book that Stern and Anna Nicole Smith's former boyfriend, Larry Birkhead, "engaged in gay sex" while Anna Nicole stood by and allegedly videotaped it. [NYP]

Michael Jackson's memorial service happens in LA today. Is it a media circus out there? Check out the elephants! Eh? Seriously, it sounds like the media equivalent of the Superdome after Katrina. A brief rundown of the clusterfuckery:

If you're currently job hunting and you figured that if all else fails you could always end up working for the city, you may need to come up with a new backup plan. The stalemate in Albany has led Mayor Bloomberg to resort to "drastic measures" and impose a city-wide hiring freeze. The move has already led to the postponement of tomorrow's graduation of 250 NYPD recruits, and a long list of other hires will now be put off, including the recruitment of 150 firefighters and 34 emergency 911 operators. It also means 151 traffic agents won't get hired anytime soon, although we're guessing car owners won't be complaining very much about that. [WCBS]

News from the internet as it relates to TV, a rising comedy star ponders his many options, a new HBO show could be a disaster or could be great, and a Baywatch movie makes us cranky.

Kiefer Sutherland eating dinner with girlfriend Siobhan Bonnouvrier at Wallse on West 11th ... Mickey Rourke leaving a West Village townhouse ... Calista Flockhart standing with son Liam outside FAO Schwarz on Fifth Avenue ... Kate Hudson cheering for Alex Rodriguez at a Yankees game ... Blake Lively and Penn Badgley crossing East 54th Street ... Jennifer Aniston sitting in a car with Gerard Butler on the set of The Bounty in Queens ... Andy Roddick and Brooklyn Decker shopping at the Apple store in SoHo ... and Robert Pattinson shooting scenes for Remember Me outside Regis High School on the Upper East Side.

Marion Barry—master politician, crack aficionado, crazy man, national treasure for reporters (and still married, btw!)—says he didn't really stalk his girlfriend last weekend, as much as he had a "spat" with her, but she's unstable. Or...something.