Jessica Simpson's breakup was caused by her idolatry of a plastic toy. Amy Winehouse has fun adventures with a private dick. Lindsay Lohan's employed, Saved By The Bell, Charles Manson, Mary Cheney, and more. Here's your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

The Beastie Boys were forced to pull out of gigantic rock festival All Points West after Adam Yauch was revealed to have cancer. Jay-Z filled in for them, and last night, made what some are considering to be music history.

You know the Times' Styles section was eventually going to pitch in on the fiscal trials and tribulations of Annie Leibovitz. They delivered, filing a quote-happy roundup on the matter, starring Tina Brown and Graydon Carter, defending their friend.

This evening, a gunman opened fire on a Tel Aviv recreation center/cafe dedicated to supporting the area's gay community. Reports now list three dead, twelve injured, and most targets minors. And there's no question that this was a hate crime.

In Page Six today: a woman was paid to write a book - "How Not to Act Old" - in which she notes that Greenwich Village isn't hip or youthful anymore because you need money to live there. [Page Six]

Rumors are spreading that former Alaska Governess and failed Vice-Presidental candidate Sarah Palin and husband Todd are getting a divorce. Is it true? And if it is, was this why Palin resigned from office? Updated: Palin's camp denies it.

The future of blogging rests in Choire Sicha and Alex Balk's laptops. After defecting from the Gawker Empire for Radar, which closed, they opened up their own shop: The Awl, which arrived in (thrust itself into?) a new era, today.

What better story this week than Annie Leibovitz's financial hellscape to inspire you to let one rip?

Wow. Is the New York Times just picking on poor error-ridden Alessandra Stanley, now? Yet another correction was published in today's paper from her Walter Cronkite appraisal, which they've already corrected twice. Epic. [NY Times Corrections]

We start working on Saturday's dick jokes at 9AM, while the mainstream media's still sleeping. Example: the Times - where people read about NYC bomb threats - was eight hours late to one that shut down LaGuardia Airport today.

Ridiculous, panty-raiding Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank is partaking in further jackassery on behalf of the legendary paper yet again, now making videos where he's calling Hillary Clinton a "mad bitch." The Post pulled the video, but someone kept it.

Michael Jackson's doctor is still just as sketchy as before. Tom Cruise will raise your kids for you. Jude Law's new baby's name, rappers, witches, Heroes, Gossip Girls, and Ashton Kutcher's fake life. Presenting an epic Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Starting tomorrow, assistants toiling away inside of the tumultuous WME talent agency will be dealt a 25-30 percent drop in their salaries. So how will Hollywood's well- dressed underclass survive on their food-service wages? Here are some friendly tips!

Friday night is for dumping embarrassing news, as media companies well know. So it is that the New York Times now surfaces a secret deal in which NBC is said to cravenly promise to ease its criticism of Fox News.

Our tech team asked us to pass this along:

The Pentagon has released a document dump of internal e-mails from its struggle to deal with the Air Force One flyover that freaked out Manhattan in April. You can smell the panic.

[Tonight the Sovereign Prince of Monaco hosted the Red Cross charity ball, an incredibly glamorous social event which apparently involves reenacting Star Trek slashfic; pic via Getty]

This week, we all had a beer, with the president, in our minds. In real life we just had beers by ourselves, like always. Well, on Tuesday we had beers with Richard.

Is bro-blogger Tucker Max's movie as chest-thumpingly awful as the script made it out to be? Based on some "leaked" footage we've been sent, yes, yes it is. Sex with midgets and deaf girls; wannabe-alpha-male trash talk; it's all there.