• Whoopi Goldberg has put her SoHo loft on the market. The View co-host and comedienne has listed the 3,600-square-foot, two-bedroom space located at 101 Wooster Street for $3.99 million. [NYP, Sotheby's]
• Bruce Lisman, the former co-head of global equities at Bear Stearns, has finally closed on the sale of his apartment at 923 Fifth Avenue. The four-bedroom spread sold for just $12.8 million, which is $300,000 less than what Lisman paid for it in 2006 and nearly $10 million less than what Lisman was asking when it first went on the market in 2007. [Cityfile, previously]
• Michael Birkin, who recently stepped down as vice chairman of Omnicom Group, has picked up a full-floor loft in SoHo. Birkin and his wife Katrina paid $4.75 million for the two-bedroom space at 60 Greene Street. [Cityfile]
• Donald Trump has reportedly taken a loss on the sale of the Beverly Hills estate he bought for $10.35 million last year. The mansion on North Rodeo Drive sold $9.5 million, or $2 million less than its asking price. [Real Estalker]

Jonathan Adler, designer, author, occasional TV personality, and husband of Simon Doonan, turns 43 today. Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak is turning 59. Playwright David Henry Hwang is 52. Model Carolyn Murphy is turning 34. Nicholas Lemann, dean of the Columbia School of Journalism, turns 55. Actress Viola Davis is turning 44. Architect Peter Eisenman is 77. Commercial real estate broker Tara Stacom is turning 51. White-collar defense attorney Andrew L. Frey is 71. TV personality Joe Rogan is 42. FedEx founder Fred Smith is 65. And Hulk Hogan celebrates his 56th birthday today.

We've been having some technical difficulties this morning. We should be back to normal shortly. (Or so we've been told.) Our apologies.

Last night The Daily Show assembled correspondents Samantha Bee, John Oliver and Aasif Mandvi for a roundtable discussion about the dreaded Obamacare "Death Panels" issue recently brought to light by that noted teller-of-truths, Sarah Palin. Hilarity ensued.

So you think you can spot a gay in the wild? Oh really! Because according to the New York Post, male sexual ambiguity is rendering mere mortals incapable of such callous judgmental accuracy. What exactly is this world coming to?!

MSNBC just announced that Eunice Kennedy Shriver passed away around 2am this morning.

The John Hughes remembrances keep rolling in! Tonight the Wall Street Journal's Speakeasy blog brings us the story of the guy who lived in the house next door to Molly Ringwald's house in Sixteen Candles. Seriously, this is getting ridiculous.

Using more than 80 hours of footage captured during rehearsals for his ill-fated London concert series, Sony Pictures is set to release a Michael Jackson documentary in late October. Great.

Sara Morishige Williams, the pregnant wife of Twitter honcho Ev Williams, broke her water about an hour ago, news she shared with the world on Twitter.

The way we live now: moving to China, where there are paying jobs, especially for people with "initiative" and English language skills! Even better, you don't have to know the language, so forget Rosetta Stone and just go man!

Unless you've been squatting in a partially-developed Williamsburg condo building, surely you've heard the news of the torrid Levi Johnston/Kathy Griffin affair currently taking the nation by storm. Tonight, Kathy and Levi dished on their hot Teen Choice Awards date.

In the event you or someone you know happens to be one of the jaded naysayers who still doesn't believe that Barack Obama is actually Adolf Hitler, this website should dispel any lingering doubts. [ObamaIsLiterallyHitler]

Last December, when Bernie Madoff's victim list was made public, we learned about Daily News publisher Mort Zuckerman's "significant exposure" to the swindler's Ponzi scheme, about $30-million in "significant exposure" to be exact. Now the pain is really setting in.

Oh my! Listen kids, whatever you do, don't ask Hillary Clinton about her husband's opinions on foreign affairs, because she will swallow you whole and eat you alive, just like she did this poor African student this afternoon!

• Great news for those of you who have been dying to get your hands on Miley Cyrus' clothing line for Wal-Mart: The retail giant is scouting for a NYC location again. [Crain's]
• Rich parents aren't buying super-expensive designer clothing for their bratty kids quite like they used to, not surprisingly. [WSJ]
• First the Calvin Klein billboard on Houston Street was targeted by people who objected to its raciness; now it's been targeted by vandals. [Jezebel]
• The Calvin billboard isn't the only victim. Calvin Klein became a crime statistic himself when a thief ripped the East Hampton beach parking sticker off his Porsche. The police are now conducting a thorough investigation. [NYP]

Susan Orlean was insecure about her relationship with her editors; Perez Hilton was insecure about his bodily fluids and Ezra Klein was tired of listening to his own interview. The Twitterati were anxious.

T-Mobile and CB Richard Ellis were sued by employees for requiring, but not paying wages for, after-hours communication via smartphones. Past court decisions, involving pagers, have hinged on employees' ability to engage in "personal pursuits."

If you don't have a DVR (for shame!), you're going to need to know when to sit down to catch your favorite series, like Mad Men, Project Runway, Gossip Girl, and 30 Rock. Then go buy a TiVo. Really.

Daniel Radosh, the New Yorker contributor and blogger who exposed a cooked New York Times Magazine story and wrote a book about Christian pop culture, is jumping from real journalism to fake-journalism-that's-realer-than-real journalism by joining the Daily Show's writing staff.

Facebook confirmed it will buy the social aggregation service FriendFeed on undisclosed terms. It would appear that narcissism is a bounded phenomenon.