Fake reporter Jayson Blair! Did you know he was once a professional Amazon bookseller? It's true! And what is he doing these days? A reasonable guess would be, "Something involving drugs and shattered lives," and that would be totally correct.

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] August 19th @ night Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant canoodling at Minetta Tavern. Lots of wine and french fries. She was laughing and as my father said "Acting quite girly."

The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America released its new social statement! Now the church "acknowledges the validity of same-sex relationships that are 'chaste, monogamous and lifelong.'" That's great news for... Hall and Oates.

Talk about tacky! Another celeb has smaller size labels sewn in her clothes to feed her thin delusions. And Michael Musto gets rid of every blind item he had stored in his gossip closet. Prepare to binge on trashy rumormongering!

Drew Barrymore walking to yoga class downtown ... Whoopi Goldberg leaving the Apple store in SoHo ... Lindsay Lohan shopping at INA on Thompson Street ... singer Jessie James arriving at MTV's studios in Times Square ... Sienna Miller getting out of an SUV and heading into an office building ... Amber Rose talking on her cell phone ... Al Pacino shooting scenes for You Don't Know Jack ... Whitney Port walking in SoHo ... Frances Bean Cobain shopping at Zachary's Smile in the East Village ... Carlos Leon riding a bike in SoHo ... Penn Badgley walking to the Gossip Girl set ... and Sarah Jessica Parker leaving Minetta Tavern with Hugh Grant.

Just when you think there are no good jokes about Williamsburg left, a patriotic actress strips on the L train for art's sake, making a story for New York's foremost vagina journalist, and all is well again. [Beware! NSFW art!]

Leave it to a former employee of Lehman Brothers to come up with the worst name for a hedge fund ever. Edward Filippi, who once sold commodity investment products for Lehman, is the founder of Ground Zero Strategic Commodities: "Putting the words 'ground zero' in a hedge fund name may disturb many people, as it undoubtedly conjures up images of the site where the World Trade Center was destroyed nearly eight years ago." You think? [NYT]

• Lyor Cohen, the man who runs Warner Music, turned Def Jam into a music powerhouse in the '90s with Russell Simmons, and now happens to be Tory Burch's boyfriend, has taken a loss on the UES co-op he owned with his ex-wife, Amy. In 2006, Cohen and his then-wife paid $7.75 million a duplex at 8 East 96th Street. The purchase came about two months before the couple called it quits and now they've finally managed to unload the place: Google executive Julio Pekarovic and Maria Vasconcelos picked up the pad for $6 million. [NYO]
• Susan Bloomberg, the ex-wife of Michael Bloomberg—and mother of Georgina and Emma—has put her 4,472-square-foot penthouse at One Kenmare Square in SoHo on the market. The four-bedroom spread, which the mayor's ex-wife picked up for $10 million three years ago, is now listed for $11.5 million with Brown Harris Stevens broker Dennis Mangone. [NYO, BHS]

Speidi acts the ass at the Miss Universe pageant, Sting's status as a sexual God is bullshit, Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush reconcile, Jason Schwartzman got married, Marc Jacobs is getting married, and Amy Winehouse goes on a 48-hour bender.

Big banks have lost hundreds of billions of dollars as the economic downturn has left millions of Americans unable to pay their credit card bills. So that would make this the perfect time to introduce a new card with no spending limits, right? No? Oh, well. It seems Chase is now planning to give American Express a run for its money with its new, "limitless" "Sapphire" card. The good news, clearly: Jamie Dimon's debt-collecting good squad should have no problem keeping busy for the foreseeable future. [NYP, Bloomberg]

Today Show weatherman Al Roker turns 55 today. Actress Amy Adams is turning 35. Fred Wilson, New York's best-known venture capitalist, is 48. Connie Chung is turning 63. Local TV anchor Maurice DuBois is 44. Fred Durst is turning 39. Former presidential candidate Ron Paul is 74. Tony-winning actress Joan Allen is turning 53. Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin fame is 61. Boxing promoter Don King is turning 78. And Disney star Demi Lovato celebrates her 17th birthday today.

Well here's a shocker: Liskula Cohen, the Vogue model so obsessed with revealing the identity of an anonymous blogger who called her a "skank" that she sued Google, discovered yesterday that she and the offending blogger are actually social acquaintances!

• One of Jay-Z's bodyguards was arrested in Croatia yesterday after he got into a scuffle with a local TV reporter armed with a tripod. Video of the encounter is here. [TMZ]
• Heidi Pratt is scheduled to perform at the Miss Universe Pageant this weekend; not surprisingly, she and husband Spencer Pratt haven't exactly been making things easy for organizers of the event. [P6]
• Is it over between Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper? The two didn't attend the party for Zellweger's new movie together and, well, we all know what that means, don't we? [P6]
• Rudy Giuliani wandered into Blue & Cream in East Hampton the other day because he thought the clothing boutique was an ice cream shop. [P6]

Every now and again, The Daily Show will do something that just about makes you want to stand up and cheer. Tonight was one of those nights, as the show aired a Fox News takedown for the ages.

As part of Dick Cheney's secret program to conduct political assassinations, the CIA hired Blackwater, the shady group of Christian vigilantes for hire whose founder was recently implicated in a murder, to assist in the operation. [New York Times]

If case you've ever wondered what Helen Thomas thinks of Twitter, now you can know.

You just have to admire the set on John Ensign. The C Street Republican who had his parents to pay $96,000 in hush money to his mistress is now saying that his affair broke no laws, unlike Bill Clinton's.

Is there anything more symbolic of the American summer than the ice cream man? No! But some people hate the ice cream man. Who? Dang food-Nazi parents, that's who! Especially one whose Brooklyn restaurant serves deep-fried candy bars to children!

Surely whenever you think of someone with a crap job, someone's who's been handed a winning(?) ticket in the shitty-life lottery, surely Rachel Zoe's name springs to mind, because being a stylist will force you into the fetal position!

Poor Elizabeth Edwards. As if the woman hasn't already had to deal with enough over the last couple of years. Now her husband is moving his trashy mistress and their lovechild into the family's neighborhood, and Elizabeth's understandably pissed.