That sperm bank that allows its clients to search for donors based on how much they resemble various celebrities is setting up shop in NYC. The California-based company says it will be "fully operational within two months at a Park Ave. space." It also says it will be looking for new donors, so if you're male, reasonably healthy, and bear a passing resemblance to anyone famous who has ever lived, you probably qualify. If the NYC location is anything like the one in LA, the standards won't be all that high. In addition to Ian Ziering, Corey Haim and Lou Ferrigno, the sperm bank says it has a Jon Gosselin lookalike, too. [NYDN, previously]

• Mexican telecommunications billionaire Carlos Peralta has put his 2,510-square-foot Trump Tower condo on the market. The apartment's gold finishes, padded walls, mirrored ceiling, and Jacuzzi in the master bedroom can all be yours for $13.5 million. [NYO, TP]
• James Maher, the CEO of BlackRock Kelso Capital, has landed himself a deal on Park. Maher paid $8.1 million for a 14th-floor apartment at 730 Park, which is $8.4 million less than the apartment was first listed for when it went on the market back in April 2008. His new neighbors will include real estate honcho Ed Minskoff, hedgie Eric Mindich, and 60 Minutes' Mike Wallace. [Cityfile]

Padma Lakshmi turns 39 today; let's hope Teddy remembered to pick her up something nice. New York Deputy Mayor Patti Harris is turning 54. Gloria Estefan is 52. Comedian and actress Lily Tomlin is turning 70. WNBC weatherwoman Janice Huff is 49. Actor Scott Speedman is turning 34. Billy Blanks, the man who brought you Tae Bo, is turning 54. Fall Out Boy's Joseph Trohman is 25. And Dr. Phil McGraw turns 59 today.

• It's been a couple of thousand years since a man named Jesus "sparked a frenzy" in Jerusalem. But it happened again yesterday when Jesus (Luz, that is) accompanied Madonna to the Western Wall. [DM]
• Yesterday it was reported that Chris Brown had told Larry King that he didn't really remember beating up Rihanna. Now he says he does remember using her a human punching bag; it's just that the clip used to promote the show was taken out of context. [People]
• Filming has started on the new season of the Real Housewives of New York City. And the pressure is on, apparently. There are two "backup" housewives waiting in the wings in case the women don't perform and "the story lines are not interesting enough." [P6]
• Demi Moore would like to make it clear she's never had plastic surgery. It's natural that she looks like that at the age of 64. So back off. [Telegraph]

"Disgraced former Gov. Eliot Spitzer has been privately talking with friends about a possible comeback, and is considering a run for statewide office next year, several sources told The Post." Really? Could it be true? The paper suggests Spitzer might be thinking about running for state comptroller or challenging Kirsten Gillibrand for her Senate seat. Sources close to the former governor, however, say it's all made up. But it makes for a good story (and even better headline) during a slow pre-Labor Day news week, that's for sure. [NYP]

Eliot Spitzer may not need Twitter, because he has the NY Post keeping him in the limelight. The paper claims the former luv guv wants to run for office, but sources say it won't happen. Still, anything for that headline.

Happy gay marriage day, Vermont! Yes, same-sex couples can now tie the knot in the Green Mountain state. Of course some anti-gay shitheads protested the first, midnight nuptials, but there's plenty of other tasty support. Namely: Ben and Jerry.

Maria Sharapova and James Blake challenge Roger Federer. Paula opens up on Idol. Kate Moss shows some skin. And Phil Spector needs to learn a lesson. Those stories — and more! — are in your Tuesday morning Gossip Roundup!

Twitter's all about self-promotion. This we know. MC Hammer knows that, too, and apparently has been quite successful at it, which explains why Gravity Summit invited him to keynote this week's social media conference at Harvard.

California's wildfires more than doubled in size in less than 24-hours.

A man who wanted to be on Paris Hilton's "best-friend" reality show has been arrested after sending in pictures of children in sexual positions, some "masochistic," as part of his application. And justice finds another asshole sicko. Hooray! [Houston Press]

Former eBay CEO Meg Whitman wants to be California's next Governor. But, alas, she can't seem to find time for the good people of California and will be skipping an an upcoming event in Silicon Valley. Um, really?!

It's official: MTV is going ahead with that horrible and unnecessary Teen Wolf series.

First gay housewives, now lesbian housewives? We've seen everything. Or, we will, because Showtime picked up nine episodes of a new Sapphic reality show. Yay! It's title? Not so new: The L-Word: Los Angeles.

Sigh. It used to be that coke dealers would mix their product with normal, safe things, like baking powder. Well, those days are over, because they've found an innovative new ingredient: levamisole. And it will kill you.

Some people have called Glenn Beck a racist for not supporting Barack Obama. Beck disagrees: he's a patriot. And, to help prove his outrageous points, Beck invited Pastor Stephen Broden to back him up. How does this help? Broden's black!

No surprise: convicted rapist and former designer Arnand Jon Alexander, who appeared America's Next Top Model, was sentenced in LA to at least 59 years in jail. The 35-year old now faces trials in NY and Texas. [NY Post]

So, Chris Brown will appear on Larry King Live this week and some reports highlight the fact that the singer claims he doesn't remember beating Rihanna. But he does, says Brown. He just "misspoke" and evil editors are to blame.

Republican South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford became a household name for his affair with an Argentine woman. Then, Monday, we heard that his Lieutenant Andre Bauer does dudes. Now the GOP may have a new, sexy, erotica-writing star: Kristin Maguire.

Carol Bartz's critics nearly put her into a chocolate-eating funk, the Yahoo CEO wrote in a recent memo. But now is no time for "staring at our navels... Get out of the sugar low." Maybe with some chocolate! Wait... [AllThingsD]