[A view into the heavens in Pfaeffikon, Switzerland includes the reflective windows of this office building that holds the hedge fund the Man Group. Image via Getty]

A LOLcat mogul made a perhaps jokey offer to become Ruth Reichl's boss; Diablo Cody's baby craving became overpowering and Joy Behar made a David Letterman zinger. The Twitterati were all about wanting what you can't have.

• The new edition of the Michelin Guide is out and five spots earn a coveted three stars: Per Se, Masa, Le Bernardin, Jean Georges, and Daniel. [GS]
• Café Boulud reopens this Wednesday following a month-long refresh. [TONY]
• A roundup of restaurants opening in the next week or so. [TONY]
• Carnival, the amusement park/nightclub owned by (and located above) Bowlmor Lanes, soft opened this weekend. The grand opening this coming weekend will be hosted by none other than Paris Hilton. [NYP]
• A look back at Gourmet, which is shutting down after 68 years. [Gawker]
• Another sign o' the times: McDonald's is opening inside the Louvre. [NYDN]

Letterman apologizes to wife on tonight's broadcast: "I have a lot of work to do."

West Village residents angry about the noise from the Jane Hotel have a hilarious new tack in their war against the club. Encouraging dogs to piss on it. There are some even better places for your dog to relieve himself.

[Chace Crawford is ashamed after confusing an ice cream truck with his ride to school. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

The Supreme Court today declined to take the case of a Jewish man who wants to deduct the cost of his kids' Orthodox education as a religious expense, just like Scientologists get to deduct the cost of "auditing."

He might be fresh off a $1.4 million venture funding round and a leading player in the white-hot market for iPhone Apps. But a men's lifestyle publication has just revealed the shocking skeleton in Dennis Crowley's closet: "Curtains."

Were you hoping to see the David Letterman saga subside this week so we could all turn our attention to, say, more serious public sex scandals such as one that quite possibly involved breaking the law? It doesn't look like that's going to be happening. Following another day of over-the-top coverage (including a series of interviews by Gerald Shargel, the lawyer defending alleged extortionist Joe Halderman, Letterman will once again address the scandal on his show tonight and apologize to his wife and staff. [AP, ABC News, NYP]

Conde Nast CEO Chuck Townsend says that Conde's Very Bad, No Good, Four-Magazine-Folding Day today marks the end of magazine closures for the company. Although not the end of the hard times.

Amtrak is broken today, Rachel Sklar reports, and a lot of poor Twitterers are trapped on trains somewhere between Washington, D.C., and Boston, awaiting rescue and sending out distress "tweets."

"I might have messed around, let the cable man come to my house, fix my cable, but two weeks later he's somewhere on my property in my guest house, screwing my wife...It's more mature; that's what I'll say." [Pitchfork]

Everyone knows Tim Armstrong is planning more layoffs at AOL once the company is spun off from Time Warner. So why let them hang over the company's return to the markets as an independently-traded stock?

You know who was a good leader, according to Forbes "Leadership" columnist Sangeeth Varghese? Hitler. Showed a lot of gumption in WW1. And civil improvement? He was big on civil improvement. Of course, he had his drawbacks.

The symbiosis of Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston continues apace. As Palin's memoir rips up the charts Levi is back in a commercial for pistachio nuts. Uh, what?

• More on Condé Nast's decision to shut down four magazines, including Gourmet, Cookie, Modern Bride and Elegant Bride: An estimated 180 people will likely lose their jobs as part of the move, although CEO Chuck Townsend says the company has no plans to shutter any other titles. [NYO, AdAge]
• If Comcast goes ahead with a deal to take a controlling stake in NBC, Jeff Zucker, NBC Universal's CEO, may need to find a new job. [NYP]
• Don Imus' radio show debuted on Fox Business today. [WP]
• Rich Ross, the president of Disney Channels Worldwide, is taking over Walt Disney Studios; he's succeeding Dick Cook, who was ousted on Sept. 16. [NYT]
• Universal Pictures has fired chairmen Marc Shmuger and David Linde. [LAT]
• CBS has been busy ridding YouTube of David Letterman's mea culpa. [NYT]
• Zombieland was No. 1 at the box office this weekend with a $25 million take. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs dropped to second place. [Variety]
• It wasn't all bad news at Condé Nast today: The New Yorker landed its biggest ad buy since 2005 with a $1 million deal with HSBC. [Folio]

Yesterday's New York Times featured an excellent and stomach-turning investigation into Cargill, a meat-processing company that makes yummie prepackaged hamburgers with E. Coli and ammonia. We like it even more now that we know Cargill is a Times advertiser.

Looks like you should have cashed out your 401K years ago and invested all your money in the taxi industry. While "investing in stocks has been a road to nowhere all decade," the "value of a city taxi medallion has jumped 179 percent this decade," which means it's managed to outperform "just about every asset save for gold." [Crain's, NYDN]

Remember David McKalip, neurosurgeon and head of the anti-health care reform group "Doctors for Patient Freedom"? Probably not. But remember his hilarious "Obama as witch doctor" email forwarding misadventure? How is his pledge to stop advocating against Obamacare going?

The Way We Live Now: Well we ain't living like astute professional money managers, that's for sure. We won the lottery but spent it all at casinos and now our personal "Financial plan" reads "Cash4Gold." Is that bad?