Keith Bardwell wants desperately to give his racism a happy face. The white Louisiana Justice of the Peace refused to give an interracial couple a marriage license because he feels for those little mixed babies. What a good Samaritan...

A Wall Street Journal editor went nuclear on a leading content aggregator; Kim Severson developed a case of bee envy and someone said the Balloon Boy should basically die. The Twitterati were especially judgy.

As someone old enough to know who Bob Mackie is, I must say: I find live blogging to be rejuvenating: As you waste hours of your life doing it, you can take years off it at the same time!

It's the end of an unnecessarily protracted era: Amy Sacco's Bungalow 8 has closed.

For a digital bible, Wired has been turning surprisingly analog over the past year. The latest regressions: The publication just fired two top editors from Wired.com and may soon lose the founders of Reddit.com.

• Todd English's troubles with Erica Wang, his former fiancée (and the woman he was supposed to marry last weekend) continue: The chef filed a criminal complaint against her earlier this week, claiming she clocked him in the eye, a wound that he says required seven stitches to close. [NYP]
• A bit of better news for English: Juliet, his new club/restaurant on West 21st Street, is on track to open to the public next week. [TONY]
• Steve Hanson's latest venture, Bill's Bar and Burger, opens tomorrow. [GS]
• A list of other recent openings, including Daniel Boulud's Bar Pleiades. [Eater]
• Purgatorio, the giant club/theater/haunted house in Times Square brought to you by The Box's Simon Hammerstein opened tonight. The extravaganza features "more than 100 performers swooping from rafters, screaming obscenities and gushing fake blood." Sounds like fun, doesn't it? [NYP]

At this hour, the Heene family are still giddy celebrating their child not being smashed to bits on the side of a mountain. But for us the good news means no annoying pause before blame can be assigned.

Update: TV news is reporting that six-year-old Falcon Heene was found safe in his home. He was never actually the balloon. Now the hoax questions begin.

Shady New York State Senator Hiram Monserrate has been found not guilty of slashing his girlfriend's face (she denied he did), and guilty of dragging her through a lobby (which was caught on tape). He's still a scumbag. [NYT]

Richard and Mayumi Heene, the parents of Falcon, who is missing after having apparently floated away in a helium balloon-craft built by his parents, have left a long and wide internet trail. Here's what we know.

Twitter's CEO is building a new home with his elegant, designer wife. But it won't be ready until at least 2010. The couple's existing penthouse is, perhaps, unsuitable for them and their new baby. The solution? A temporary mini-mansion.

[Cyndi Lauper, Rod Blagojevich, chef Curtis Stone, and the WWE's Bill Goldberg film a scene for the upcoming season of Celebrity Apprentice in New York today. Image via INF]

• Is New York magazine up for sale now that Bruce Wasserstein has died? There's no reason to assume so, but that isn't stopping people from tossing around the names of some very unlikely "contenders." [NYP, AdAge, DF]
• Related: David Carr of the Times details how Wasserstein benefited the magazine; Daniel Gross of Slate focuses on his commitment to journalism; and New York's editors offer up their own heartfelt tribute to the mag's late owner.
• The cuts at Condé continue: Golf World felt the pain today. [Gawker]
• SNL has cut a deal with Anheuser-Busch to stick beer ads into the show. "Maybe if we drink enough the show will actually seem funny." [LAT]

"Drunkest Guy Ever Goes for More Beer." Assuming this is real, was he doing Pilates down there, at some point? Impressive.

As if sitcoms don't have enough problems. What with the death of media and all, it's a rough time to be working in TV's oldest genre. But now showbiz butinskis are ready to level the coup de grace: Volunteerism Week.

Chris Batty is VP of sales at Gawker Media. The blog company may be more identified with founder Nick Denton. But Batty is the executive who keeps the coffers filled.

Chris Batty is VP of sales for Gawker Media. The company may be identified with founder Nick Denton. But he's the guy who keeps the money coming in.

Ivanka Trump is no longer just a real estate executive, jewelry designer, proponent of "fresh-tasting, healthy" microwaveable meals, and real estate heiress about to settle down with a real estate heir. She's now a published author, too! Ivanka's motivational book, The Trump Card: Playing to Win in Work and Life, is now here (with a blurb by her almost-boss Anna Wintour, no less), and last night she celebrated its publication with a party at—where else?—Trump Tower. Naturally, all the Trumps turned out for the fête. But while papa Trump wasn't necessarily in tip-top shape (he's "put on a bit of weight around the middle," reports David Patrick Columbia), Ivanka was "radiant and remarkably composed," reports Vanity Fair, even though she's getting married in a mere 10 days. Her advice to other women who might have to juggle a wedding merging two billionaire families while also promoting a soon-to-be bestseller at the same time: "Be relaxed, try to enjoy the moment, and remember: it's just a great party!" [VF, NYSD]

Because we strive for balance in strident denunciations, here is an email from some Tucker Max fan:

Ken Lewis, the outgoing CEO of Bank of America, won't be collecting a salary or bonus for 2009, according to the Wall Street Journal. Why? Because the Treasury Department's pay czar, Ken Feinberg, demanded it and the bank conceded rather than put up a fight. Don't shed any tears for Lewis: His retirement package is still worth between $69.3 million and $120 million. But there's reason to believe Citigroup chief executive Vikram Pandit is quaking in his Ferragamo loafers this evening: