Finding a fat, lazy American is easy: it's either you, or your co-worker. Finding the fattest, laziest person in America? A much harder task. Well Dr. Oz found him, and promptly berated him on national television.

Things are not all death and decay in journalism. Now that Lou Dobbs said he's considering running for president in 2012, covering the GOP primary could be the easiest path to fame and riches left for a reporter.

Besides his Patrick Bateman hair, obviously. The San Francisco mayor and obvious prick went into hiding after mysteriously quitting the governor's race, and his silence-breaking TV interview was a mess.

The Way We Live Now: Solution-oriented. Problem: We're hundreds of billions of dollars in debt. Solution: Hoard gold, buy life insurance, and kill ourselves.

Everyone has a disaster tale about Thanksgiving travel, a burnt bird, or drunk uncle Wally who tends to get a little too handsy after one too many hot toddies. Whoever shares their best story with us wins a prize!

By taking a small printed out picture of a squid, this guy completely recreates a nasty looking cephalopod—pixel for pixel— in a shower mosaic. Impressive.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's charitable foundation handed out $6.4 million last year, or about three times what the CEOs of Goldman Sachs and JPMorgan, Lloyd Blankfein and Jamie Dimon, gave away last year put together. The beneficiaries of the Jolie-Pitt Foundation are below.

In your merciful Monday media column: Carl Kasell gets to sleep in now, more rumored AP layoffs, crazy "old media" types eschew pointless media beef, and Verlyn Klinkenborg defended like a doe, a deer, a female deer, shut up, Verlyn.

What did New York's A-list socialite Tinsley Mortimer do with her very glamorous weekend? She hosted Serena Bancroft's birthday party. Who is this Serena Bancroft? She's the towns hottest up-and-coming tween socialite. Everything about this is just insane.

Larry David created George Costanza as a reflection of himself. So exactly what happens when you get Larry David playing George Costanza playing Larry David?

Maureen Dowd, this weekend: Obama should try to be "dynamic" like Sarah Palin, instead of all this "dithering" and bowing. Today, Ross Douthat writes a "reality-based" column on more or less the same topic!

"I'd rather see more coffee shops and restaurants open than bodegas and nail salons," said one dude opening a coffee shop in Crown Heights, currently home to many bodegas and nail salons. There is so much beef now.

According to these die hard Palin supporters (is there a nickname for them yet?), Sarah Palin is exactly what this country needs. When pressed to specify? Blank stares, all around.

Nancy Cartwright is the voice of Bart Simpson. She is also a famous Scientologist. She is also selling her son's bedroom furniture for $500. Need some shelves?

• New Moon smashed expectations this weekend, racking up $140 million at the box office and setting a record for the third-biggest opening ever. [NYT]
• News Corp. and Microsoft are in talks to remove News Corp. content from Google and have it appear on Bing, Microsoft's search engine. [FT, Bloomberg]
• O is slumping, so Hearst is now planning to makeover the magazine. [NYP]
• Talks between GE and Vivendi over NBC seem to have hit a roadblock. [WSJ]
• Project Runway's finale generated solid ratings for Lifetime, but it still didn't reel in the number of viewers it did when it aired on Bravo. [WWD]
• Scary: Glenn Beck is now looking to be more of a "political organizer." [NYT]
• Also scary: Lou Dobbs wasn't kidding about running for president. [NYDN]
• Katie Couric: serious anchor by day, sexy dancer by night. [Gawker]

We figured out where the photos of Katie Couric shaking her lovely lady humps were taken: at the after-party celebrating her debut as anchor of the CBS Evening News. That was the best possible answer.

Paula Deen is great at making cheesy ham and banana casseroles. She is not so great at catching out of control careening hams flying towards her at high velocities. Ouch.

Profusion of "Keep Calm and Carry On" posters successfully ends the recession.

Not. Cool. This girl has had it with her boyfriend playing too many video games. The obvious solution? Smash his X-Box 360 with a freaking golf club.

The Martha Stewart-Rachael Ray feud is amazing on paper: two head-strong domestic divas (one with a rap sheet) going at it in the press. It could have been as juicy as the Tropicana warehouse. Now it's ended with a whimper.