Despite their protestations on Today that they really were invited to last week's state dinner, Tareq and Michaele Salahi weren't actually invited, as you probably suspected. A series of emails obtained by the AP indicate that up until 6:30pm last Tuesday evening, the couple was still trying to convince a Pentagon official to work his magic and get them in. But it also doesn't seem like honesty is one of the couple's strong suits. The Washington Post reports today that the Salahi's "signature social event," the Land Rover America's Polo Cup, isn't really sponsored by Land Rover (or any of the other companies the couple listed), and benefits a charity that is pretty much non-existent. But all that will make for fabulous TV, won't it? [AP, WP]

The President gave some speech about troops in some country. But mainly the Post kills it on the Tiger Woods story. There are puns galore: birdies, sex drive, paws. To steal their line, they're all coming out of the Woodswork!

Britney Spears turns 28 today. Erin Callan, the former CFO of Lehman Brothers, is turning 44. Lucy Liu is 41. Stone Phillips is turning 55. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is 70. Real estate marketing queen Louise Sunshine is turning 69. Nelly Furtado turns 31. Foo Fighters bassist Nate Mendel is turning 41. Author George Saunders is 51. And tennis legend Monica Seles celebrates her 36th birthday today.

• Tiger Woods released a statement this morning: "I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. [TMZ]
• One thing that may have pushed Tiger to finally issue the apology: While Rachel Uchitel didn't want to cop to hooking up with Woods, two other women turned up to take her place yesterday. A 24-year-old waitress named Jaimee Grubbs appeared with tawdry text messages from Woods to back up her story. (Sample: "I will wear you out!") And a Vegas club manager came out to say she's been having an affair with him "for some time." [Us, NYP, NYDN]
• Tiger won't face criminal charges for crashing his SUV outside his Florida home. He's getting a traffic ticket and may pay a $164 fine. [Us]
• Bill Clinton is pumped his daughter Chelsea is marrying investment banker Marc Mezvinsky because, Bill says, Marc is a "great human being." Not only that, but when Hillary is traveling, Chelsea and Marc take pity on poor old Bill and take him to dinner and the movies. [People]
• Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich just bought a $90 million estate in St. Barts and now everyone is expecting him to throw the "It" Christmas party of the year. No word on whether the Salahis were invited. Not that the lack of an invite will stop them from attending anyway, of course. [P6]

Last week playboy Republican scumbag Tim Durham's offices were raided by the FBI. Today another Ferrari-driving friend of the GOP, Florida lawyer Scott Rothstein (pictured with Governor Charlie Crist) has been charged in a $1.2bn Ponzi scheme.

There is something awkward about a single-source story wherein the source's accusation that the subject stole her panties and discarded a used vibrator in her bed never comes up. Sometimes it's worth it, though.

"I feel bad" for boyfriends whose girlfriends don't send them XXX self-portraits, says Rihanna; Tiger Woods' sexy texts messages are out; LiLo and SamRo make nice. Wednesday's gossip is one nip slip short of a tabloid triathlon.

Thinking about taking a buyout, or leaving your media job to pursue your organic restaurant/piano teacher dreams? Read this depressing survey of 75 ex-Los Angeles Times journalists first. It's not pretty. Only 11 have landed full-time jobs!

Well Porsche sales were up 18% from last November anyway. But mainly because more people are buying the smaller and cheaper Cayman coupe. The things people do to survive these days... [AP]

Wal-Mart starts another price war — this time it's over video games.

Last night French lothario and self-confessed amateur pornographer Olivier Zahm had a gallery opening. We went to look at the pictures of naked ladies in the bath, on tables and peeing outside hotels. We also spoke to the man himself.

Tareq and Michaele Salahi's "signature social event," the Land Rover America's Polo Cup, was neither sponsored by Land Rover nor as profitable as it claimed. Do these people have any grasp on reality, at all?

Why, oh, why did Newsweek allow Bill Clinton to contribute to a feature called The Decade's Happiest Endings?

An old lady has unearthed a home video she says depicts the original bombshell blazing with some girlfriends. It's most definitely Marilyn, and they're definitely smoking, but is it really pot?

So this Italian-American advocacy group, right? It says to MTV: "Hey, I think your show 'Jersey Shore' is racist against Italians." And MTV says, "Oh yeah? Why don't you come over and talk to one of our stars about this?"

Tonight on "The Daily Show", Jon Stewart picked on one of his favorite targets: financial reporters. We get a double dose of schadenfreudey laughs—from both Dubai's spectacular downfall and the reporter who had no clue it was happening.

Remember that twisted story of the Peruvian gang which supposedly killed obese people and sold their fat for use in cosmetics? It was made up by an investigator. Thank God. [BBC]

When you poke your hot gastroenterologist on Facebook and get no response, don't worry: He's trying to be professional. The UK's largest medical professional organization has warned doctors not to respond to "flirtatious approaches" on social-networking sites.

It was easily one of the 50 most important speeches Barack Obama will ever give: Tonight, he made the case for why he's sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan. (Oh, and terrorists? They still want to kill us.)

A New York Times reporter was oddly bewildered; an Onion editor was oddly enterprising and Kevin Smith was oddly seductive to a far-right evangelical wingnut. The Twitterati were surprising.