Take still paintings of holiday gatherings, add moving human arms, and dub some risque conversation over it all and you've got this series of holiday ads by Schweppes. The result is funny, confusing, and kind of uncomfortable. Watch!

Skateboarding these days is all about ripping mad 360 nollie kickflip handstands—or something. In our minds, a skateboarder is an irreverent, rebellious figure...unless they're combining it with ballet! Then they just look ridiculous.

Wow, who ever thought that a show about a band of lovable losers could be so dark? We were crying tears of sadness instead of our usual tears of joy. It still felt pretty good, but damn!

"Man cleavage—plunging necklines slit open to reveal chest hair, pectoral muscles, maybe more—is back," today's Wall Street Journal reported. How did Pat Kiernan, the beloved and normally buttoned-up NY1 anchor and host of "In the Papers" respond? He showed off his stuff, naturally. [NY1]

With politicians and pundits calling for blood, it was only a matter of time before there'd be some serious fallout from last week's crashing of the White House state dinner. Now there is. Three Secret Service officers were placed on administrative leave today over the security breach. And more trouble is brewing for Tareq and Michaele Salahi. Not only could they be forced to testify before the House Homeland Security committee, the couple's super-suspicious charity is now under investigation by the state of Virginia. Good work, Bravo. [ABC, WP]

Kathie Lee Gifford rose to fame sitting next to Regis Philbin and talking about her personal life ad nauseam. Now that she co-hosts the Today show's daily dose of wacky, what is the one subject she won't broach?

Here's the physical comeuppance for years of Americans obnoxiously saying "Throw another shrimp on the bahhhbie!" We had it coming. We're sorry, Australia. Now you can get back to riding your kangaroos in peace.

Gretchen Carlson interviewed Derek Jeter on Fox News yesterday. What a get! She mentioned that Jeter is "the last pure athlete" and that he lives his life "so perfectly," but not that she's married to his agent.

We like to "jest" with the advertising industry about how stupid and evil they are, but the truth is that marketing is not easy. Today in Fuzzy Public Outrage: Dolls are racist, and soap bubbles are rapists.

Everything in this bourgeoise white-trash mother's life is going so well that she must search high and low for things to outrage her. WAIT! Did her daughter's Miley Cyrus doll just swear? Sure, that'll do. Local news, activate!

Hailing from Austria, Cult Energy Drink bills itself as so powerful that it's not for kids. They have also produced this NSFW commercial to drive home the point.

Today we're really jealous of our friends overseas. The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret is a new comedy featuring David Cross and Will Arnett. Arrested Development fans rejoice! The bad news? It will be airing on Britain's C4 network.

Art Basel Miami kicked off today and everyone who's anyone in the art world—from dealers to collectors to professional party-hoppers—has now headed south and Miami is now even more awash with air kisses and insincere compliments. (If you're in town and looking to crash a good party, head over to the event that Peter Brant, Aby Rosen and Alberto Mugrabi are hosting this evening; it's expected to be one of the fair's highlights.)

GE and Comcast officially announced that this morning that they've come to terms on a deal over NBC Universal. It's really, really complicated, but the upshot is that Jeff Zucker still has a job for some reason.

At Yelp, every review is a chance for free drinks, every email a chance for distasteful punning — and every company party a chance to leer, spank and orgy out. Judging from the pictures, 2009's holiday bash was no exception.

Ho hum, Minnesota man convicted in $3.6 billion Ponzi scheme. No one notices any more.

A grandmother confronts her grandson after reading an article in the newspaper about sex offenders and Facebook. He secretly records it while desperately screaming, "I'm not a sex offender grandma!"

Frosty the Snowman was at one point just a snowman. An object, doomed to melt from inevitable warmth. When a magical hat is placed atop Frosty's head, he not only becomes animated, but he must warm his chilled loins.

This is why it's always important to engage your parking brake, folks.

It might appear that Tiger Woods has lots of problems these days, but in fact he only has one problem: He is a boring, boring man who finds himself in a non-boring situation. We know how to solve this.