The airports were a mess yesterday. Today the chaos descended on commuter trains. Some sort of mysterious electrical problem shut down service on Amtrak and New Jersey Transit for nearly three hours this morning. But the problem has since been resolved and the trains are running again, so you no longer have an excuse to get out of visiting your relatives in New Jersey for Christmas, assuming that was something that had crossed your mind. [NYDN]

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

The broadsheets all go with the news that the family of a Mexican special forces hero, killed battling a drug cartel, were gunned down hours after his funeral. But in cheerier news, one story does feature the words "Christmas miracle."

• Brittany Murphy's funeral has been scheduled for tomorrow, Christmas Eve. In other Brittany news, her super-sketchy husband Simon Monjack, who indicated initially that he didn't want an autopsy to be performed on Murphy, now says he wants to know exactly what caused her death, although he also says he's sure it didn't have anything to do with her having a drug problem or eating disorder of any kind; the coroner in LA is completely baffled how information about Murphy's giant cache of prescription drugs made its way to TMZ and says he's planning a full investigation; and in what may be the most twisted development of the day, it seems Murphy's LA home has already been added to a "Haunted Hollywood" tour.
• Poor Mischa Barton. She showed up at the Whole Foods in Soho with her Shih-Pom, Ziggy, and was then informed that the store doesn't permit dogs inside, even those that happen to belong to semi-famous people. [NYDN]
• Steven Tyler of Aerosmith says he's been addicted to painkillers for years and is now heading to rehab. [People]

In Dubai, Carrie and the girls flout their steepest recession yet. Dr. Conrad Murray films a show, Brittany Murphy could cry out of one eye at a time on command, Carrie Underwood flaunts her engagement ring. Wednesday gossip is decadent.

Got a tip? A link to a hot story? A picture or video we should see? Let us know. If you'd like to be more discreet, you can also send a confidential email to tips@gawker.com or call our tipline at 646-214-8138.

The Washington Post dispatched dozens of writers and researchers to investigate Tareq and Michaele Salahi, and discover their motivations for gatecrashing the White House. Here's a de facto guide on how to live like a billionaire for no money.

Screw classiness. America still loves tinsel (mainly because it's cheap). The Wall Street Journal conducts a hard-hitting investigation into its history. Here are some things you didn't know about tinsel, that the WSJ thinks you should.

France's first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, turns 42 today. Les Moonves, CBS's CEO, is turning 61. Badgley Mischka designer James Mischka is 49. Soap star Susan Lucci is 63. Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder is turning 45. Retired Army General (and onetime presidential aspirant) Wesley Clark turns 65 today. Conservative columnist Bill Kristol is 57. Author Donna Tartt is 46. NHL star Scott Gomez is turning 30. Model Estella Warren turns 31. '80s idol Corey Haim is 38. And Holly Madison, best known as the former girlfriend of Hugh Hefner and co-star of Girls Next Door, is downright ancient (by Playboy standards, at least) as she turns 30 today.

Richard and Mayume Heene, better known as the parents of balloon boy, will be sentenced today. They are facing 90 and 60 days incarceration respectively. And the judge may prevent them profiting from the incident. Reality TV producers weep. [AP]

Remember the Alaska kindergarten teacher Palin threatened to serve libel papers in front of his class? He went to a Going Rogue event and discovered he is one of Palin's four worst enemies, banned from events via headshot dossier. UPDATED

Barneys creative director and noted gay male Simon Doonan oversaw White House Christmas decor this year, and his trees are an assault on family values, say right-wing bloggers. Then again, does Mao Tse-Tung really belong on Obama's tree?

This year's record profits weren't enough: Hollywood wants the $20 grandma gave you for Christmas, too, with a raft of big films slated for Christmastime release. "Sherlock Holmes," "It's Complicated" and... uh "Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel."

Did you know that TMZ has its own TV show? Well, it does! Seriously. And the best part about TMZ TV? It's basically a glorified staff meeting—starring Ms. Harvey Levin, of course. Here's a peek inside today's show.

A 52 year-old man with a five-inch knife sticking out of his chest walked into a Michigan diner tonight and calmly ordered a coffee. He is currently being treated for severe caffeine addiction. [AP] [Pic via]

In dark Internet corners, speculation simmers about a millionaire named Arturo Globenfeldt. Two years ago, the Daily News reported Brittany Murphy's husband owed Globenfeldt $16 million. Was Murphy's death somehow related to this debt? No, the Daily News was punked.

The controversial 5 percent 'Bo-Tax' on elective cosmetic procedures has been nixed in favor of a 10 percent tax on tanning services. Expect Snooki to be 10 percent less tan next season, which is still 90 percent too tan. [NYT]

Hot shot 80's comedian Arsenio Hall presents his comedic stylings in his comedy special "Solid Gold Christmas." In this clip he talks about Christmas in LA, Black peoples' reactions to radio giveaways and of course— Rick James.

Today's broadcast of Entertainment Tonight featured an ~*~EXCLUSIVE~*~ first look at the Sex and the City sequel, due out next May. What are Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda up to? Find out after the jump. Also: a hilarious ET promo.

Jesus. A panicked teabagger called up C-SPAN in tears today, worried that he accidentally killed Republican Sen. Jim Inhofe by praying for Democratic Sen. Robert Byrd to die. This is one of the saddest things ever to appear on C-SPAN.