Isn't there a rule about not falling in love with strippers? There's definitely a song about it. Vince, now you know why you shouldn't fall in love with a porn star. Her work day just might include a gang-bang. [NSFW]

Pepsi cola has already been revealed to be the pinnacle of the entire universe. But that has not resulted in Pepsi's "Max" chemical product beating Coke's similar chemical product in market share. Solution? War.

He also set fire to the church library while smoking pot. This talk show host is a devil to work for, this singer had a secret baby, and this Oscar winner took tons of dirty pictures. What a manic Monday!

Welcome to Monday's gossip roundup, in which we gather every horrifying new detail about Speidi's sex tape (blackmail! ultimatums!) and how it inspires Snooki's ex. Meanwhile, Brad Pitt wants to murder BP executives and LiLo's lawyer heads back to court.

Tabloid sex writer and bubbling vat of ill-concealed self-loathing Andrea Peyser refuses to bow to Hollywood's liberal sex standards. Maybe Jennifer Aniston is happy fucking a turkey baster—but for Andrea Peyser, only a live human male will do.

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

Socialite and failed reality TV star Tinsley Mortimer is working on the great American novel, to be published by Simon & Schuster. Behold, the death of high society: Manhattan's princess is taking career cues from Nicole Richie. [P6]

A traffic jam on China's Beijing-Tibet Expressway that started nine days ago is still going strong, stretching over 60 miles. Drivers are playing cards on the road, and some have suggested holding concerts to entertain stranded motorists. 60 miles!

The 14-year-old Dutch sailor attempting to become the youngest person to circumnavigate the globe alone has started her journey.

[Funi the Panda bear turned four years old today in her new home at the Adelaide Zoo in Australia. Funi and cagemate Wang Wang are the only Giant Pandas living in the Southern Hemisphere. Image via Getty]

A concert over the weekend in Colorado turned ugly when fans began rioting, burning down vendor tents and throwing people through windows. This might sound like a Juggalo event, but no... it was a Earth, Wind & Fire concert.

There are plenty of believable excuses for missing work, but pulling out the not-actually-dead dead relative story is always a bad idea. It worked at first for one Bronx school staffer, until she was spotted bowling with her "dead" mom.

[Tents are set up at a camp organized by the Pakistan Army for Pakistani families displaced by floods in the Sindh province in southern Pakistan. Pic via AP.]

Sen. Mitch McConnell, the Republican Minority Leader, was asked on Meet the Press Sunday if he has an obligation to the 31 percent of Republicans that believe President Obama is a Muslim. What was McConnell's answer?

Tonight's episode of Mad Men was about a lot of people coming to grips with things that they don't want to acknowledge. As we've seen before, the world is moving forward and it can't be stopped.

Harold Dow, a longtime correspondent for CBS' 48 Hours, died on Saturday in New Jersey.

Mafia families in Italy were communicating with their imprisoned bosses by texting an unwitting sports show that displayed viewers' texts on screen. One sample: "Everything is OK – Paolo." Come on, guys, at least try to make it about sports.

For the second time this summer, amateur astronomers recorded an impact on Jupiter—big enough to be seen from earth. Is it an asteroid? Or an alien? Well, almost definitely an asteroid (or comet) nucleus. But judge for yourself!

This week's episode of True Blood was disappointingly boring. Considering so many revelations this week, it's shocking that so little could happen.

After running old episodes from its web series, Children's Hospital debuted all new material tonight, and cancer never had a chance.