[A skunk, Stinktier Lavendel, finds its way out of a gift box at the Hanover Zoo in Germany today. Image via AP]

When police in Arizona responded to a complaint of a man, "white and in his 50s" with his pants down and wiggling his hips in public, they found Michael Polley at his apartment door, still pantless and "immediately angry."

The amount of profane graffiti in the Brooklyn Criminal Court's men's bathrooms has gotten out of control. So bad, in fact, that even the offenders are offended: "It makes it depressing to come here," one lawbreaker told the Daily News.

With Ireland in the dust, Moody's is now terrorizing Portugal with talk of a credit rating downgrade.

[You missed last night's full lunar eclipse? And now your coworkers want to talk about it? Don't worry—this is what it looked like in Florida. Which is more or less what it looked like everywhere. Photo via AP.]

Future Homeland Security Committee chair Rep. Peter King (R - N.Y.) takes to the pages of Newsday to ask: "What's radicalizing Muslim-Americans?" We can help you with that, Congressman King! Nothing is radicalizing Muslim-Americans, because Muslim-Americans aren't radicalized. Case closed!

Singer Shania Twain is engaged to businessman Frédéric Thiébaud (not pictured). They met through their ex-spouses, who left Twain and Thiébaud for each other. So it all worked out! Can't wait to read the Times "Vows" article on this!

New Orleans rapper Magnolia Shorty died on Monday after being shot 26 times. She was 28.

According to CBS News, the government has identified a "credible" terrorist plot to poison restaurants and hotels by infecting buffets and salad bars with ricin and cyanide. To be completely safe, don't ever eat anything again. Especially salad. [CBS]

Taiwanese restaurateur and chef Wang Cong-yuan sells what's generally agreed to be the world's most expensive bowl of noodles—a $324 beef dish that he says people order every day. What, exactly, goes into a $324 noodle bowl?

Larry King lovers, rejoice—even though his show ended last week (highlights here), King is still alive and kickin'. Tonight, he chatted up Jay Leno on The Tonight Show, and then made his television stand-up comedy debut! Watch inside.

A dog in Germany gave birth to 17 healthy puppies! They were bottle-fed because "their mother's nipples could have never coped with the demand," which is a set of words I never expected to read in an AP article.

Tonight, Dr. Sanjay Gupta hosted Anderson Cooper 360 in Cooper's stead. After Cooper sees the way Gupta began things, however, he may not ask him back. Inside, watch Gupta accidentally call Cooper a pedophile during a segue gone horribly awry.

Comedian Tracy Morgan had a kidney transplant last week. No, really! He's recovering fine, but is likely to miss two or three episodes of 30 Rock sometime in March—his character, Tracy Jordan, "will have some sort of meltdown."

The SEC will investigate former HP CEO Mark Hurd's resignation. Have fun, guys!

Attention, white people: Your friends at the racist-as-hell Council of Conservative Citizens want you to boycott the new Thor movie. Why? Because a black actor has been cast as a Norse god! It's an "insulting multi-cultural make-over"! Wait, what?

On tonight's Factor, Bill O'Reilly responded to a ribbing that Stephen Colbert gave him last week. That part was boring. But then Ann Coulter came on to re-respond, and that part wasn't boring! Her attack on "stingy" liberals is inside.

"What'll it be, boss?" "How can I help ya, chief?" Ever feel like silence would be better than those condescending greetings you get from people? It's always toeing the line between friendly and patronizing.

Today, in delightful branding-related serendipity: Ron DiMenna, the 73-year-old founder of Ron Jon Surf Shops, was arrested for driving under the influence... of Four Loko. If only all apparel-store founders acted in exactly the way we expect their customers to!

The Federal Communications Commission is now expected to approve a watered down version of net neutrality tomorrow, preventing internet service providers from discriminating between websites. It's a nice gift for internet activists, who have been pushing for this for years.