That was quick. Just yesterday, Joshua Kaufman posted covertly-taken pictures of the guy who had his stolen laptop to Tumblr. Looks like cops have arrested the potential thief.

Freedom fries and foreign beer for everyone: in 2010—for the first time ever, according to some dubious industry association that may or may not be trustworthy—the USA consumed more wine than the hated French. Sure, big party.

First, Dominique Strauss-Kahn allegedly sexually assaulted a housekeeper at Manhattan's Sofitel. Then, an Egyptian big shot allegedly sexually assaulted a maid at The Pierre. And before that, there was probably plenty of other inappropriate cock-waving towards hotel staffers which we'd rather not even think about, as well. Now, the WSJ reports, both of those hotels have agreed to give all their room attendants "panic buttons."

The deadly E. coli outbreak in Germany could become a legal battle with Spanish authorities threatening to sue Hamburg officials for blaming Spanish cucumbers, which was proven false. The cucumber slur has cost Spain an estimated 200 million euros.

Debra and Gary were tired of working four jobs just so they could barely afford their mortgage, so they looked back to their days as wild and crazy kids:

Imagine going in for a rather routine dental surgery, and leaving with a foreign accent. That's what happened to Karen Butler after she was put under and had several teeth removed. "I just went to sleep and I woke up and my mouth was all sore and swollen, and I talked funny. And the dentist said, you'll talk normal when the swelling goes down," she told NPR. But she never went back to normal, and now has an accent that's "a combination of British, Irish and Eastern European."

South Korean soldiers have been ordered to stop using pictures of Kim Jong-il, his daddy Kim Il-sung, and cherublike son Kim Jong-un for target practice after images of the targets surfaced in newspapers there this week. That should really help to restore normal relations between the two countries.

Space shuttle Endeavor touched down with its crew of six astronauts safely aboard, marking the last flight for that spacecraft, and leaving only one more — Atlantis, launching in July — before the space shuttle program is retired. [NYT]

South Carolina's Hill-Finklea Detention Center for barring its inmates from enjoying the kinds of pornographic materials you and I take for granted every. Single. Day. [Note: The ACLU has responded, saying ABC's report is false. Updates below.]

The "Abortionplex" — that flight of Onion fancy that some think is real — has a Yelp page that's racked up a slew of satisfied user reviews. Next up: the CGI animated family feature. Get to work, Hollywood! [BoingBoing]

In these rapidly changing times, it's almost comforting to know that some issues can still divide the country right down the middle. Gallup has conducted its 2011 Values and Beliefs poll, which presented a sample of Americans with 17 controversial issues facing the nation today — everything from "wearing fur" (56% find it morally acceptable vs. 39% thinking it's morally wrong) to "pornography" (30% vs. 66%) to "gay or lesbian relations" (like fur, also 56% vs. 39%) to "cloning humans" (12% vs. 84%). One topic, however, produced the least amount of public consensus, with just 3% separating the moral yays from the moral nays: "doctor-assisted suicide."

When May 21 came and went without the world ending, those expecting to ascend to Heaven were left flabbergasted and crazy Apocalypse predictor Harold Camping revised the date to October 21. But on tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert had a question: How do we know the Rapture didn't actually happen? Here's his explanation.

If New York City seemed especially smart last night, it's because Sarah Palin and Donald Trump dined together over a slice of Famiglia pizza in Times Square.

The Daily Show returned from hiatus this evening as Jon Stewart attempted to make sense of Sarah Palin's national bus tour. While some in the media have had some difficulty figuring out what it all means for Palin, Stewart gave his opinion in no time: It means she's running for President!

If you're a fugitive, it's probably in your best interests to keep that a secret from people you encounter. Like Richard R. Vermalyea, 32, of Rehoboth, Delaware, who kept the two warrants out for his arrest a secret when he checked in to the Traveler's Motel in Delmar, Maryland. Unfortunately for Vermalyea, however, his secret did not last for very long. Because his neighbors "heard a man yelling during a phone conversation that there was a warrant for his arrest and called police."

Like most people, we miss HBO's fantastic cop show The Wire a great deal. So we were heartened to hear that Attorney General Eric Holder has put the full weight of the Justice Department behind our cause:

Airbnb went from monstrously valued startup to accused unethical spammer in one day. The vacation rental website is taking its investors for a wild ride to the borderline of infamy, just like Facebook, Twitter, Zynga and so many other startups.

A week after a jury acquitted New York City police officers Kenneth Moreno and Franklin Mata over charges that Moreno had raped a drunk woman while Mata stood guard, their accuser released a statement describing herself as "devastated and disappointed by the jury's decision." The fashion executive, who lived in the East Village but has since moved to San Francisco, thanks the District Attorney's office and Mayor Bloomberg, saying she's "overwhelmed" by the support she's been shown since the verdict, and that "public opinion will be the ultimate verdict." Here's the full statement:

We worry, sometimes, about the fate of our nation's queer tweakers, so it's nice to see meth head bisexual and former megachurch pastor Ted Haggard embarking on what's sure to be a very lucrative career as a cameo artist in Christian sex comedies with his brief turn in The Waiting Game, coming at around 1:05 in the video above. Haggard, who identifies as a 21-year-old bisexual, also starred in a short-lived TLC series; we can't imagine it was as good as The Waiting Game looks to be. [via Colorado Springs Gazette]

The Limelight Marketplace, the collection of high-end food, clothing and design booths in the building that once housed storied nightclub Limelight, is employing a new tactic. It's going to turn itself into one big department store. This was always just a bad idea.