Are coffee shops, of all fucking places, going to become the latest bastion of rudeness in our society, in which a fellow American who simply wants to purchase a cup of coffee and sit quietly, for nine hours, typing on a laptop, with papers and shit spread out all over the table as if this is his personal fucking office, is "not welcome?"

Octomom Nadya Suleman has disrobed again, this time for America's trashiest magazine Steppin' Out.

GLAAD, the spayed and neutered gay media watchdog, released its annual Network Responsibility Index, which charts the gay content of television networks. Guess what they found? The highest percentage of programming with gay and lesbian characters is targeted at young audiences.

If you put something on a computer these days, you're basically "Here, hackers, have this." But who's doing all the hacking? The world's biggest hack attack has been revealed, and it's probably China. Welcome to... "Operation Shady Rat."

Don't fret, Sarah Palin! Stay home in Arizona or Alaska, wherever you summer. Because President Obama has decided to do the Midwestern second leg of your bus tour for you. That's right: Obama will ride around on a bus, too, as part of the great White House "pivot" to a focus on jobs, which no longer exist.

Bad news, people who go to the store with the express purpose of purchasing Miller Lite™ brand beer: Ad Age reports that Miller Lite is growing steadily less popular. And during the "all-important summer beer-selling season"!

Christina Perasso, star of Hollywood's first social film, Inside, has been trapped in an unknown location for 10 days, with little to eat or drink. Here's what we know so far:

Here's a trailer for In Time, a thriller about a future world in which people, if they can afford it, never age past 25. So your mom could look like Olivia Wilde forever and you could look like Justin Timberlake.

Prince William and Kate Middleton rub shoulders with normals. Katie Holmes barks like a dog. Samantha Ronson's mugshot is everything you hoped for. Paris Hilton and Brittny Gastineau have a party-off. Wednesday gossip keeps its toiletries in 3-oz. containers.

This actor lied about a recent injury, which really occurred when drunkenly playing "naked ninja" with an antique sword. Also today: A celeb wants to be a mommy, a talk show host trades air time for sex, and a filthy celebrity tattoo artist.

Colby Sambrotto is a founder of the website ForSaleByOwner.com, which, you know, lets people sell their own apartments. Colby Sambrotto had an apartment of his own—a two bedroom in Chelsea—to sell. Can you guess what happened next?

Remember that IQ study that showed Internet Explorer users were stupid? Well, it was a hoax. The website of AptiQuant, the supposed "online psychometric testing firm" that conducted the study, was just set up in the past month, and the pictures of its staff were actually ripped-off from another French business.

National hate object Casey Anthony has surfaced, the flashbulb bounty hunters at TMZ claim. Location: Ohio. Disguise: Eyeglasses and a baseball cap. Seriously, she couldn't do better than that? We were talking plastic surgery and radical haircuts last I heard. This is just a teen movie makeover scene in reverse.

Those folks at the New York Post—love em or hate em, they sure know how to write a snappy headline! "Too many damn ho's." Is it a double-entendre on someone's name? Is it a play off of a direct quote in the story? Nope. It's just a straight up headline about how there are "Too many damn ho's" out there. Haha. And how!

An uptown 6 train derailed near 125 St. this morning. The Second Avenue subway line has been in progress for 75 years. And even the perfectly functioning subways are full of crazies. God. It's too much sometimes.

Deposed Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak appeared in court today to face charges of corruption and ordering the killing of unarmed protesters earlier this year. He was wheeled in on a hospital bed acting the part of a sad old man, along with his klepto scumbag sons, Gamal and Alaa. Hard times for the Mubaraks. So, in honor of Hosni's not so glorious return to Cairo, here's a quick look at the man in happier times.

Now that everyone's calmed down after last year's Four Loko craze, it's time for scientific research! Of 11 case studies, "one kid was found on the subway tracks, another was unconscious at school." Yup. Sounds about right.

West Reading, Pennsylvania police Sgt. Matthew Beighley has a thing for Tasers. Not long after becoming a certified Taser expert, Beighley zapped two fellow officers in March. He also Tasered his dad, and recorded it on his Blackberry. Here's how police investigators say the incident happened, from the Reading Eagle:

An Illinois man pleaded guilty on Tuesday to having illegally purchased Tetrodotoxin — the neurotoxin naturally found in puffer fish, aka the stuff you hope the sushi chef leaves out of your fugu — which he'd planned to use to kill his wife and collect on her $20 million life insurance settlement.

Finally, Oprah Winfrey will be publicly recognized for her various achievements. What took this long?! The Motion Picture Academy has just announced that the floundering basic cable mascot will receive the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award — an honorary Oscar awarded to "an individual in the motion picture industry whose humanitarian efforts have brought credit to the industry." And who has, uh, accredited Hollywood more that Winfrey has, selflessly donating thousands upon thousands of hours of precious airtime to needy friends like Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks to promote their totally shitty movies? No one! All hail Saint Oprah! (James Earl Jones is getting one, too.) [Reuters, photo via Getty]