Hopefully you've by now found some practical use for Gawker's Handy Guide to New York City's 1%, i.e. our magnate magnet, but in case it's been a late day at the office, fret not: Occupy Wall Street forces successfully mobilized today, targeting the Upper East Side homes of five of the city's top fat cats: News Corp. CEO Rupert Murdoch, conservative billionaire industrialist David Koch, real estate developer Howard Milstein, JP Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon and hedge fund manager John Paulson. All of them stand to save billions come December, when a state tax on millionaires is set to expire.

It's pretty much a given that when Susan Boyle performs on live television, she does so while standing completely still amid dim lighting and fake fog in some sort of floor-length "polygamy chic" dress. As a performer, Boyle is usually either truly great or tragically bad. Unfortunately, her rendition of the Righteous Brothers' "Unchained Melody" on tonight's Dancing with the Stars results show was closer to the latter.

Remember Random Task, the "Korean ex-wrestler evil handyman extraordinaire" from Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery who'd use his shoe as a deadly weapon? Well, it turns out that was not just acting. He is actually a very scary, dangerous, terrible person!

Back in August, talk show host Tavis Smiley and Princeton professor Cornel West embarked on an 11-state "poverty tour," footage from which is airing this week on Smiley's PBS program. The two men appeared on tonight's Factor (broadcast from Boston in front of an audience) for what was supposed to be a poverty-themed debate about everything from Occupy Wall Street to Herman Cain. But as you might expect given this is Bill O'Reilly's show we're talking about, the audience was treated to lots of finger-pointing and shouting instead. Here's video of the debate's meatiest moments.

Afghanistan never charts particularly highly on any lifestyle magazines' annual "Best Countries in the World For Jews" lists. But who knew it's come to this? According to a Report on International Religious Freedom from the U.S. State Department, the number of Jews currently residing in Afghanistan amounts to one (1) Jew.

Bill Gates is reportedly renting an eight-bedroom South Florida mansion for half a year at $600,000 per month. Yes, the Microsoft co-founder has at least two other homes, but neither of them will put his 15-year-old daughter Jennifer—or her ponies—within striking distance of the Winter Equestrian Festival.

One of Anthony Weiner's "sextees" is telling all in a new book, which includes a chat in which Weiner said his wife's parents were "backward thinking" because "I've never been accepted by them." Ha ha, can't imagine why they never accepted a stand up guy like you, Anthony. Tell us more of this injustice!

New York City's subway system has been home to naked racists, naked bathers and vicious brawls. So what's next? How about the incredibly foolish guy who was filmed clinging on for dear life while riding the J train on the outside? Oh, yes. That's what it's come to. [via Village Voice]

Were you worried Rudy Giuliani might get the crazy idea to toss his hat in the 2012 presidential ring? Rest easy. NYC's ex-mayor announced today he isn't running: "If it's too late for Chris Christie, it's too late for me."

Today we heard that the New York Times' ethics guy Phil Corbett had to send out a memo reminding employees that they have strict rules about paid speaking engagements. These fools just can't remember the rules! So one commenter wrote a memo that ought to help.

Zynga's been the poster child for the current tech bubble. It built an implausible sounding business around FarmVille and other Facebook games, its offices were over the top self parody, and it planned a billion dollar IPO. But everything seems to be falling apart. Go figure.

The Scream couple are working in Hollywood together. Also today: Lifetime remakes a modern Southern classic, some exciting Game of Thrones news, and HBO scoops up Liberace.

Fat running! Bad vitamins! Low tuberculosis! Peanut allergies! Woman chocolate! Restless legs! Baby talk! Cereal sugar! And your child's selfishness is all too astounding! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—fruitlessly!

We've all heard members of the religious right rambling their silly, anti-gay slogan, "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." Well, on this National Coming Out Day, God is coming clean and admitting they're wrong: He did, in fact, create Adam and Steve.

Remember President Obama's American Jobs Act that he announced in a speech 'round 'bout a month ago? Well, it hasn't even been shitcanned in the Senate like all other pieces of legislation yet! That's happening in oh another hour or two.

That terrible bottom-feeding tabloid called the Los Angeles District Attorney is at it again: At the manslaughter trial of Dr. Conrad Murray today, prosecutors displayed a second Michael Jackson death photo, this time showing the King of Pop naked "at the time of autopsy." The photo is here, if you're so inclined. [Image via Getty]

Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook "timeline" just went up, and it paints the billionaire mogul as a harmless dork. Rock, paper, scissors tournament, check; fleece and gym shorts in Morocco, check; weird self portrait , check. But Obama thinks he's dope. Of course.

Last night, the Discovery Channel debuted American Guns, which is sort of like American Chopper, but lethal weaponry instead of lethal two-wheeled vehicles. (Really got a lockdown on elaborate redneck toys, don't they?)

In a scenario that sounds like a right-wing fever dream, the Justice Department today filed a criminal complaint against two Iranian men—one a member of the nations ultra-secret Quds force, another who has dual Iranian-American citizenship—of trying to hire a Mexican drug gang to assassinate the Saudi ambassador in Washington, D.C.

After weeks of literally protesting Wall Street, Occupy Wall Street has realized that billionaire CEOs actually don't live in lower Manhattan. So they're headed uptown! To help them, here's a map of where the richest of New York's rich live.