Mariah Yeater, the 20-year-old woman who claimed that angelic pop prince Justin Bieber had impregnated her during an unromantic, 30-second statutorily rapey tryst, "quietly" dismissed her paternity suit last week, TMZ reports. She also lost her lawyers' support.

Lady Marmalade, The Soul of Philadelphia, the one, the only, Miss Patti LaBelle: Get your kids the fuck away from her. That's the only reasonable takeaway, really, from a lawsuit filed against the singer by a family who lived in the same, Trump-owned tenement structure on the Upper West Side as LaBelle.

After her unintentionally horrible music video for "Friday" gripped the nation, Rebecca Black attempted to go legit with "This Is My Moment." Now we have "Person of Interest," Black's inane new teen pop pseudo-love anthem, which is set in an arcade and features the line, "Can't deny you're implicated in a mayhem in my mind." Pure poetry!

Hey guys, the Secret Service just wanted to know how a bullet wound up being fired through a White House window. No biggie! The bulletproof glass made sure the bullet didn't go inside the White House, but all the same, they'd really like to know how it got there.

Life.com has gone through the stacks and picked out Life Magazine's 20 Worst Covers. Lute players, creepy marionettes, men in top hats and stilts, 6-year-old boys in suits of armor — it's like Lindsay Lohan's Sweet 16 all over again!

Elisabeth Hasselbeck had quite a bone to pick with Bill Maher on The View this morning about a joke he'd told about her months ago, and pick it she did. One would think he'd mind being attacked, but on tonight's Late Show, Maher told David Letterman he was actually pleased with how she reacted: "Thank you, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, for making me look good!"

In an early morning raid on Tuesday, NYPD officers began removing Occupy Wall Street protesters from Manhattan's Zuccotti Park. The eviction drew negative reactions from many, but on tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert celebrated the cleanup: "The founders never intended indefinite free speech; they assumed that, after two weeks, any protest would be wiped out by smallpox."

A new study indicates that young children with high IQs are significantly more likely to have done illegal drugs later in life, even when controlling for other factors. So you finally have a comeback when your dad says Why do you think they call it dope?!

In an unbearable phone interview with Bob Costas on last night's Rock Center, accused Penn State child rapist Jerry Sandusky kinda-sorta denied being sexually attracted to young boys. On tonight's Daily Show, an indignant Jon Stewart unloaded on Sandusky: "You can't even bring yourself to lie emphatically!"

It's getting to be that time of the year, folks! You know what I'm talking about: that time of the year when love and peace fill the atmosphere, the scent of pine and eggnog permeates the air, and 44-year-old men, high on bath salts, walk into your home and put up your Christmas decorations.

CBS News correspondent Armen Keteyian told his Twitter followers today that he'd spoken with the former quarterback who discovered Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky allegedly raping a 10-year-old. "Tonight on Evening News," Keteyian wrote, "Mike McQueary breaks his silence and opens a window for me into his emotions." McQueary sure did! For about 20 seconds.

He dodged an Iranian fatwah, but Monday Salman Rushdie fought Facebook, which forced the author to use his real name, Ahmed. Eight tweets and 90 minutes later, he'd defeated the "morons" in a key "nym wars" battle. That's effective writing!

Here's the trailer for Mirror Mirror, not to be confused with Snow White and the Huntsman, which also retells the Snow White story. Don't worry! They're actually pretty easy to tell apart!

It's Tuesday, and tonight's shows aren't going to watch themselves. Let's take a look at what's on, shall we?

4chan, everyone's favorite pile of internet poop, has been mostly unavailable for the past two day due to a massive distributed denial-of-service attack. Hard to shed a tear for the 4channers, whose Anonymous denizens are pioneers of the DDoS.

Today we learned that it is always a good idea to keep your work email and your personal email separate. Nothing good has ever come from mixing the two, and the sooner former White House chief of staff and current mayor of Chicago Rahm Emanuel learns this, the better.

Occupy Wall Street has officially lost the legal battle to occupy Zuccotti Park. While the public is now permitted to re-enter the park, a judge ruled this afternoon that protesters won't be allowed to bring tents or tarps with them, or lie down in the park.

Do you ever get the feeling that yoga apparel/lifestyle store Lululemon is a little... creepy?

Sex talk! Chewing tobacco! Cholesterol drugs! Womb psychology! Weight coaching! Baby abdomen! Kiwi heart! Medication erection! And hearing loss, say what? Haha. It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—age-appropriately!

Congratulations to New York Times dining editor Pete Wells, who was just named as the paper's new restaurant critic. Here are some pictures of him, in case anyone is curious what he looks like. For some reason, the Times has been scrubbing images of him from the site.