What horrible human outrages does this monstrous world of ours bring today? Video of a "human zoo" in India's Andaman Islands, featuring women from the Jarawa tribe, ordered to dance for tourists in exchange for food.

An American hero by the name of Rich Jones has obtained and published the entire 94-page FBI file of Ol' Dirty Bastard, the Wu-Tang Brooklynnnn Zuhh member who died of a wildness overdose in 2004. Some select highlights are below. [Click to enlarge the images]

This starlet says she hates this director, but they're secretly getting it on. There's a sex tape of this actress, her boyfriend, and a group of his friends. This child star is back on smack, and this celeb hates her life. Do you think she's just saying that and secretly fucking her life?

Another Iranian nuclear scientist was killed today by a magnetic bomb attached to his car. Iran blames the U.S. and/or Israel, but couldn't this have just been an accident? Who hasn't had a magnetic bomb attached to the underside of their car at one time or another?

Hostess, the maker of Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Ho Hos, Suzy Q's, Sno Balls, Zingers, and Donettes, among other god damn delicious products, is bankrupt. For the second time in eight years. Labor costs, debt load, flour prices, blah blah blah. What will it take to save Hostess? Will it take Hostess sending out cases of its delicious products out to various popular online media sites, to "build buzz?" Now is the time to find out.

Former Nixonite and coonskin cap-wearing sometime presidential candidate Pat Buchanan has always been a racist relic who appealed mostly to those caveman-like Americans anxious for a return to the Andrew Jackson era. Always. There has never been a time, during his long career as a smiley pundit, in which he was not a racist. So. Although it's kind of nice that he's been suspended by MSNBC, it's the media equivalent of giving all the homeless people in your city a one-way bus ticket just as long as the Olympics are in town.

The next time people ask me what it's like to live in New York City, I'm going to refer them to today's New York Times story about Aaron Vansintjan, the 21-year-old Belgian college student who managed to undergo about four key New York experiences in the span of a few hours.

The rest of the Republican nominees took Mitt Romney to task over his "I like firing people" remark, but Stephen Colbert is standing behind old Mitt. On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen made his clear his feelings about Romney's words: they were taken out of context in a way that was completely different from Romney taking President Obama's words regarding John McCain out of context in November. The point is this: as long as Romney is happy firing people, Stephen Colbert is happy to see them fired.

There's been so much hoopla surrounding the Republican primaries, what with debates and caucuses and attack ads and Super PACs, that it's easy to forget there's a great big world out there. On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart checked in on Iran and the latest news on their uranium enrichment program. They claim it is for research purposes, the United States doesn't agree, and then there's that all that nasty business about blockading the Straight of Hormuz and sentencing Iranian-Americans to death for spying. It's like living in a sweeping epic that probably won't have a Hollywood ending.

Google today started incorporating private Google Plus data into search results, and competitors and pundits are already crying foul. Twitter Inc. called the move "bad for people, publishers, news organizations and Twitter users." This hurts tweeters and respectable humans? Ouch.

It's time to cover the results of the First Primary in the Nation, New Hampshire — that famous outlier among the Republican coalition that doesn't tell you much about anything! Mitt Romney is expected to win, but will he win by enough? That's how we're sucking you in tonight. If Mitt Romney doesn't get 52% of the vote, or let's say 100%, his campaign is over. Grab your assault rifle and poor a beer down your ear, as we watch — together.

After today's post in which a former Keith Olbermann coworker mildly denigrates Keith Olbermann's choice of footwear, It took only minutes for Keith Olbermann's response email to hit our inbox. Here it is:

Former co-workers of Keith Olbermann share many tales about what it's like to work with with America's most prickly, grandiose, self-mythologizing (and occasionally great) newsreader:

With "nothing left to do" on the campaign trail, the Romneys went to the movies this afternoon, where Tagg demonstrated the worst way for a pale-eyed family to pose for a picture: In a dim theater in front of a camera with a flash, which will turn all of their perfect blue eyes into glowing orbs of horror.

At first, the co-chairs of the Congressional Privacy Caucus said they were "concerned" about Facebook's tracking of users. Then they were "alarmed." Now they're just pissed.

Old Arab-hating literary tycoon Marty Peretz is putting his beloved Washington treasure The New Republic — the "in-flight magazine of Air Force One," according to a movie about how much of its content was completely fabricated — on the market, again. Who should purchase this esteemed leftist journal of moderately regulated capitalism and hella warmaking?

Yesterday, we brought you a former Keith Olbermann employee's tale of how shitty it was to work for Keith Olbermann, as well as Keith Olbermann's multiple responses. Naturally, all of this inspired more Olbermann associates to write in. We now bring you one detractor, and one defender. [Bolding ours]

It has been scientifically established that ABC's men-dressing-as-women-to-get-jobs sitcom Work It is the worst television program in history. Still ABC Entertainment chief Paul Lee doesn't understand why it's so bad or why some people—gay and transgender activists, specifically—find it offensive.

As the number of "Shit Girls Say" spin-offs increases (black girls, white girls, Asian girls, Asian guys, gay guys, black gay guys, Southern gay guys) the likelihood of something offensive happening approaches one.

Is America's plague of Palins finally ending? After approximately one year of Hollywood fameseeking—starting with a stint on Dancing with the Stars and ending with a new face, a bar brawl, and a canceled reality show—America's most successful unsuccessful abstinence advocate Bristol Palin is returning to Alaska. She explained herself to In Touch: