Or play her off! And, David Fincher, just give her the damned glasses. Come on.

While bringing out Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek, Ricky went to make a joke which went something like "...but I can't understand what the fuck they're saying." But, it had to be inferred because the audio cut out right at that moment.

Not the best or most cutting joke in the world but it's about as daring as anyone is getting during the show. Plus, it recalled when Madonna and Britney Spears kissed back when people cared about Britney. No, really, good on which ever Golden Globes producer whipped that up just before Madonna went on.

Long time marrieds Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy presented Best Actress in a TV Series and instead of the usual hollow patter, they sang a charming little ditty. Here it is.

Jon Huntsman, America's number one Captain Beefheart fan, is dropping out of the presidential race. He finished sixth in the Iowa caucus and third in New Hampshire. He is expected to endorse Mitt Romney.

Congratulations go to Seth Rogen for the first erection joke of the night! Stay classy, Seth. On the other hand, calling out the silliness of My Week with Marilyn being in the Comedy category was spot on.

It wasn't nearly as biting as last year but still had a few zingers, about NBC, Jodie Foster's Beaver and the rules the HFPA wanted Ricky to adhere to.

Oh my gosh, what is Ricky Gervais going to do? Which celebrities are going to get drunk? Which awful actors will the Hollywood Foreign Press Association award tonight? Yes, it's Golden Globes nights. Please join us in witnessing all these atrocities and making mean jokes about them.

Last week, a California man attempted to murder his wife in the most barbaric way possible: by poisoning her Rice Krispies with, of all things, Goof Off. Because he used the most obviously toxic-smelling household product and apparently filled the bowl with it, his wife of course noticed she was eating poison and went to the hospital. Fernando Porras, the husband, did not become a suspect until he left hospital grounds for a cigarette and never retuned. He is currently being held on $1 million bail.

So you're on the London School of Economics' ski trip for their Athletic Union and bored after a long day of hitting the slopes. You need something to do. Someone suggests a drinking game. But which one? Quarters? Flip-cup? Asshole? Rage cage? No, those are all lame and overdone. You need something edgy and new. Then someone suggests fanning the cards out like a swastika and making a Nazi-themed version of Ring of Fire. "Perfect!" everyone shouts at once. "Let's add saluting the Fuhrer to the mix." What could go wrong?

Canadian politics used to be a cute, inconsequential thing that occurred somewhat north and to the left of New York, where people with slightly funny accents debated how to most efficiently prove they were not American while travelling. However, it appears all that is about to change now that their government has become more "conservative." You may recall the string of car arsons in Los Angeles, which allegedly were the work of a German-born man named Harry Burkhart. Well, it turns out Burkart had recently lost his three-year bid for refugee status in Canada, so he decided to come to LA and light a bunch of cars on fire instead.

In the most recent development of the on going plot to cover-up the CIA's invention of AIDS, the CDC is expanding its program to test bush meat for viruses. The program started two years ago when EcoHealth Alliance, a non-profit, teamed with the CDC to confiscate meat from various airports, including JFK and Dulles. They found all sorts of gross-sounding, probably infectious things:

It seems as though those rabble-rousing Israelis have another problem on their hands: women. Can't live with them, can't live without them, am I right, Jews? But seriously, ultra-Orthodox Jews have temporarily stepped away from their Illumnati/Media-controlling listservs in order to be more assertive about their stupid rules regarding women. For instance, a female professor recently had a difficult time accepting an award for a book she wrote:

The serial butt stabber's reign of terror is finally over. Authorities arrested suspect Johnny D. Guillen in Peru earlier this week, and have begun the process to extradite him back to the United States.

Attendees of tomorrow night's Golden Globes will eat dessert covered with edible gold flakes, which retail at $135 a gram. This entirely reasonable dish took pastry chef Thomas Henzi six months to design, and it will require 40 chefs and 110 kitchen staff members to prepare. But gold? On a dessert at the Golden Globes? I'm not sure I understand…

Harassed and hurried travelers left behind some $409,000 in change at TSA checkpoints in 2010, according to the NY Daily News. JFK led the way with $46,918.06, while LAX was second with $19,110.83. The TSA is free to spend the unclaimed money as they see fit, but spokeswoman Lisa Farbstein did not have an answer as to how they will add this year's haul to the budget. What she did have, however, was a hilarious joke: " ‘It's unknown from year to year,' she explained, ‘but everybody likes to have pocket change.'" Indeed. The TSA: awful and completely useless in every way except jokes.

Notorious Dave Matthews Band fan John Edwards reportedly has some sort of heart condition, one so serious that he was able to get a sick note from his doctor that successfully delayed the former Senator's court case for felony criminal corruption charges. Now far be it from me to accuse a millionaire former trial lawyer, who cheated on his then-dying wife with a woman he allegedly (and illegally) paid with campaign money and with whom he certainly fathered a child, of being dishonest and creating an ailment to avoid going to prison. No, I would never do that. Get well soon, John.

In a morning full of bleak news about tragedy and economic woe, this story is particularly worrisome, especially considering what I just had for breakfast (bacon, two eggs and cheese on an everything bagel): Swedish scientists "suggest" a link between processed meat, like bacon and sausage, and pancreatic cancer. According to the BBC, which cites this study in the British Journal of Cancer:

We have a whole bunch of fun stuff planned for the Golden Globes, but there's one thing you won't see on the site, so we wanted to make you aware of it now. We're giving control of Gawker's Twitter account to author, cabaret star, and all-around funny person Justin Vivian Bond during the broadcast.

Hey Gawker readers,