Marge Miley, a former editor and columnist at the Manitowoc (WI) Herald Times Reporter passed away this week at the age of 86. Marge composed her own obituary, which she left on file with her funeral home. (Here's the first page—click to enlarge.) She would surely take some satisfaction from the fact that what she wrote was better than the obit the newspaper did for her.

Philadelphia is full of treasures. Here is an elderly woman ranting against another SEPTA bus passenger in a nearly six minute, uninterrupted stream of swears and insults.

The public relations industry often seems like a vast sea of ineptitude, studded with fetid islands of grotesquerie. No more so than when approaching Valentine's Day. This is PR Dummies. The worst of the worst, on a weekly basis.

"How any of these people can even look in the mirror, behold the oozing, limitless intellectual dishonesty, and not want to smash what they see is truly mystifying to me."

Ladies and Gentleman, despite what your sad-sack best friend (who totally spends every Saturday night watching Lifetime movies and criticizing other people's OKcupid profiles) says, love, and by default, Valentine's Day is awesome. After all, it's the one time of year when couples can come together and shamelessly broadcast the fact that they "OMG! Love my Babywigglesmooch so much!" and the rest of the world just has to accept it (or defriend them on Facebook).

It's that time of year when hopeful undergrads send out their resumes to the investment banks they for some reason want to work for. But one guy's bombastic cover letter has made him the laughing-stock of Wall Street.

After Hoboken banned Jersey Shore stars Snooki and JWOWW from filming their spin-off series there, they finally found a home: Jersey City. And they're going to be living in an old fire house.

This 90210 actress is so nasty all her costars call her mean names behind her back. This Oscar-winner needs rehab, this famous family makes money selling their secrets, and this actor once beat up a paparazzo in a strip club. Nope, it wasn't for calling him names.

Greg Kelly, NYC Fox News anchor and son of police commissioner Ray Kelly, is off the hook on rape charges after police decided that his accuser actually had a consensual encounter with him, then changed her story when her boyfriend found out. Fine. Only Kelly and the woman really know what happened. But why is the New York Post such an extremely gleeful Greg Kelly defender?

The FBI has released, and posted on its web site, Steve Jobs' 191-page FBI file. Read it here. The file consists of a 1991 background investigation conducted when Jobs was being considered for an appointment to the President's Export Council in the Bush I White House, and records of a 1985 bomb threat against him.

From the Windy City Times:

On tonight's not-yet-final episode Top Chef, the Final Four chefs will become the Final Five chefs. But then that Final Five will become a Final Four again—and this final Final Four may be different group of four than the first Final Four. Sound confusing? Well, join our group chat in the comments, and we can all try to figure it out together!

Preschool teacher Sarah Jane Lindsay, 44, has received a ten year jail sentence after throwing summer parties for teenagers during which she gave them alcohol, marijuana, and 44-year-old woman sex. Lindsay threw the parties along with another preschool teacher, Audrey Beidleman Grabarkiewicz, who will face less severe charges because she, apparently, showed a little more restraint. The U.K.'s Mail Online explains.

The tech world has been consumed today with news the app Path quietly uploaded users' iPhone address books without permission. Path, in an increasingly common Silicon Valley ritual, apologized and promised it wouldn't happen again. But the company has given false assurances before. To us.

Google is set to begin a project called Screenwise that will pay some of its users to allow access to their search history. On a sign up page that is not yet active, Google explains:

If we have learned one thing from the aftermath of Lana Del Rey's SNL performance, it's that bad publicity truly is better than none at all. The dust has settled and what's left are huge record sales- 76,000 copies of Born to Die to be exact- for number 2 on the Billboard 200 album chart.
[Image via Getty]

I've set off some explosive truth bombs in my day, but I think this is going to be the most controversial thing I have ever published: I hate cheese.

In this world, there are many ways to exercise. Some are actual sports; others are specific types of exercise; all will make you sweat, somehow. We have ranked them in scientific order, based on the following criteria: Physical Difficulty; Amount That You Would Be Humiliated If You Tried to Just Waltz In and Do Them Like Some Big Shot Because You Thought They Would Be Easy; and Overall Hardcoreness. Fake bullshit sports are not included. All rankings are final.

Today in buried ledes: The Awl's Hanksy interview by EA Hanks forces everyone to google "EA Hanks," and the editor of Cat Fancy signs her emails "Purrs, Susan Logan." One of these stories interests me more than the other. I will never reveal which one.

Sometimes you do something on Facebook — comment, post a link, "like" a status message — and it gets totally misinterpreted. And amid the backlash from family, friends, and strangers, you just have to be, like, "Facebook is fucked up, not my problem." Mark Zuckerberg doesn't have that luxury.