It's an infinite loop of hair. [Holy Cuteness, Orlando Sentinel, image via Busch Gardens]

This just in: Indiana state Rep. Bob Morris has "gone viral" for a sending a ranting letter to fellow Republican lawmakers warning that the Girl Scouts of America is "making their daughters more receptive to the pro-abortion agenda." He wrote it in an attempt to stop a resolution celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts.

Can't get enough of the mild musings of inadvertent New York Times columnist Frank Bruni? It's your lucky day—he's started a blog.

As the murder trial of Decatur, Georgia's Hemy Neuman wraps up, we discover that Neuman admits he shot Russell Sneiderman outside the man's 2-year-old son's preschool. His lawyers say he should be found not guilty by reason of insanity because "he was visited by a demon who sounded like Barry White and an angel who looked like Olivia Newton-John before he shot and killed a toddler's father outside a preschool." Prosecutors says Hemy's motive was jealousy. [AP]

Today in passive-aggressive media spats: New York Times reporter Charles Duhigg swears he doesn't mind that Forbes blogger Kashmir Hill block-quoted liberally from an article he wrote, it's just that Kashmir is wasting her life and selling her body for money.

Are school vending machines causing obesity amongst America's youth? Haha, haha, yeah right. Eating one dozen Cadbury "Creme" eggs in the closet at midnight while typing furiously on Twitter is causing obesity amongst America's youth. Still, every little calorie saved helps, when it comes to our corn-syrup-addicted children. The government is setting new guidelines for what can be in school vending machines. What (vending machine) food should be put on (the kids in) our families (in school)?

Billionaire David Geffen is going to have to find some other pretty young thing to take to state dinners and on all-boy vacations with Barry Diller and other barely closeted rich people. According to Page Six Geffen just broke up with his boy toy.

In the '70s this famous teen idol used to get a new fan club president every six months so he could sleep with her. This couple wants to start a family and is having difficulty and this tween star's parent is a bit abusive. Maybe she needs a fan club president to protect her.

What's up today in India? "India, the land of Mohandas Gandhi, known for its Hindu belief in the sanctity of life, is anything but gun-shy. Rising incomes have made high-end weapons a new form of bling, and rising crime and memories of Mumbai's 2008 terrorist attack have left Indians eager to be armed and dangerous," The Los Angeles Times reports. There are still only 3 guns for every 100 people in India, compared to 89 for every 100 Americans, though. [LATimes, image of Indian gun factory via AP]

Three research universities combined their forces to prove that a person's Facebook page is, more often than not, an accurate predictor of future job performance. Apparently Facebook pages that portray "traits such as conscientiousness, agreeability, and intellectual curiosity" have a "strong correlation" with good job performance.

This is America's Screaming Conscience, a new regular political column written by "Mobutu Sese Seko" and with illustrations by Jim Cooke.

"After three years of heated debate," The Wall Street Journal reports, "the Park Slope Food Co-op is at last ready for a vote." The vote is about whether they should vote about whether they should boycott products made in Israel, to protest what boycotters consider "an apartheid system against Palestinians."

As the Romney clan scrambles to clean up its social media presence, Buzzfeed reporter and Mormon whisperer McKay Coppins highlights the "Mormon mommy blog" of Mary Romney, daughter-in-law of Mitt and wife of Craig. Mary made her blog private when Coppins came asking questions, which is really too bad, because now we don't the context of this 2007 Halloween photo. Apparently Craig is "dressed as his dad," but what the hell is Mary?

When Comcast acquired NBC Universal, part of its deal with the FCC was that it would "launch 10 new independently owned cable channels, with most backed by African Americans and Latinos, by 2018." Well. The first two Black People Channels have been announced. Black people, prepare for a fiesta of cable mediocrity!

French police hauled possibly rape-y French politician Dominique Strauss-Kahn in for questioning today. At issue: DSK's alleged participation in an international prostitution ring that involved "organizing sex parties" in Paris, Brussels, and Washington. "Company executives used expense accounts to pay for" the parties, Reuters reports.

"Online curiosity collecter," Twitter power user, and sometime Gawker contributor Katie Notopoulos (pictured right) will be joining BuzzFeed as a senior editor in two weeks, working with managing editor Scott Lamb to bring her ongoing documentation of the weird, stupid, gross and hilarious on the internet under the BuzzFeed banner.

Jon Stewart opened tonight's Daily Show by taking a look at the ridiculous contraception hearings that Darrell Issa convened last week. The quoting from Stalin, the "rape of the soul," it's all perfect grist for Jon's mill. Not to mention the fact that no women were on hand.

Stephen Colbert used the opening of tonight's Colbert Report to explain the sudden two day absence of his show last week. It seems clear now that all the crazy rumors were, in fact, crazy, and that Stephen went home to attend to his 91 year old mother. And it also seems she's ok, which is great news for all the members of Colbert Nation.

Here, finally, is the remix of "Birthday" to which Rihanna infamously invited her abusive ex-boyfriend Chris Brown to contribute a verse. His first line? "Girl, I wanna fuck you right now/Been a long time, I've been missing your body." Oh. Cool.

The New York Times obituary celebrating 74-year-old John Fairfax's life reads like a crazed Hemingway diary entry. In addition to his passion for exploration and adventure, it turns out that "Lone Wolf" Fairfax also hated children, loved money, and had a penchant for whorehouses.