Watch out, American™ Cheez™—there is a new flavor of cheese "in town" that people are eating a lot of! That would be pepper jack—a fiesta of flavor in your mouth area due to the mixing of peppers inside of the cheez. It's not just hungry Americans shoving entire bricks of pepper jack into their drooling maws during their voracious Ambien-fueled sleepwalks—it's on Chik'n™ sandwiches too!

Virginia congressman Eric Cantor went on Meet the Press yesterday to endorse Mitt Romney, and he said "fart" instead of "fought." The representative has a point, of course. The GOP primary race has essentially been one giant, continuous, squelching fart joke. [Via]

As part of our ongoing project to catalog the 2012 presidential election from a metal point of view, we've been soliciting presidential endorsements from noteworthy American metal musicians. Today: Agalloch.

This New York Times article yesterday about a Manhattan gym that caters to billionaires and business titans contains this bit of braggadocio from one of the gym's members:

Surely it's just a coincidence that Tiana, the only black princess in the storied history of Disney animated films, is the face of Dig 'n Dips watermelon-flavored candy? And that Cinderella Aurora of Sleeping Beauty is the vanilla-flavored dipping stick? Yeah, that's totally a coincidence. Right, guys? Guys? [via Sociological Images]

Vladimir Putin tearfully claimed victory in the Russian presidential election, giving him another six years in charge. But he'll have to face a fair number of fraud allegations and a growing protest movement that does not want to see a continued Putin presidency.

A Nigerian woman who claimed to be pregnant was actually hiding a whole lot of heroin inside her ladyparts. Afolake Awoyemi was detained at JFK Airport after flying in from France. When asked by a Border Protection inspector, Awoyemi said she was three months pregnant — but she must not have been convincing, because Customs officers opted for a pat-down search.

Looks like that aggressive ad campaign did its job after all: The Lorax earned $70.7 million this weekend, giving it the biggest opening weekend so far this year. In second place, Project X, with a comparatively unimpressive $20.8 million. Should've cast Zac Efron and Taylor Swift, guys.

Kids in as many as 50 families in Chatham, New Jersey were mistakenly given breast cancer medication instead of chewable fluoride tablets. While the fluoride the children were supposed to receive is used to prevent tooth decay, the pill Tamoxifen blocks the production of estrogen. CVS has alerted all the families and apologized, but no one can figure out exactly how this happened.

Get ready for the most adorable true crime story you'll hear all day. In Texas, a troop of Girl Scouts selling cookies outside a Wal-Mart were robbed by thieves who took the girls' cash box. (But weirdly enough, no cookies.) It's actually kind of a sad story — they never got the money back. But the no-nonsense way the victims went after the robbers is pretty cute.

As promised, Lindsay Lohan poked fun at her legal troubles when she hosted SNL last night.

Child star turned religious zealot Kirk Cameron pissed a lot of people off when he appeared on Piers Morgan Tonight and said gays were icky. (Technically he called homosexuality "unnatural," but now we're just splitting hairs.) His basic point was that gay marriage should never be legal, because God intended marriage as a one-man, one-woman deal.

Yesterday — in the wake of losing several sponsors — Rush Limbaugh apologized for calling law student Sandra Fluke a "slut" and a "prostitute." Fluke had the audacity to argue in front of Congress that her employer's health care coverage should cover her birth control. Since Limbaugh made his apology, notable Republicans have stepped forward to agree that Limbaugh's comments were out of line, and that the conservative talk show host does not speak for the Republican party as a whole.

There have been several recent reports on rising gas prices, mostly focused on the fact that we're kind of doomed. Obama has admitted that he can't simply make the prices go down, and that none of the "easy solutions" many people are clamoring for would have any effect, now or in the longrun. We may — brace yourselves — have to start thinking in a different way entirely.

All that talk about Lohan making fun of herself and keeping nothing off the table and possibly singing resulted in this monologue from last night's Saturday Night Live. Not too much came to fruition, but Jon Hamm was there at least.

Disneyland was shut down for several hours today due to the presence of a "suspicious object." That object turned out to be a scroll with a peaceful message for park guests. Disneyland spokesperson Suzi Brown explains, "People can't do this. We take it seriously."

Tonight marks Lindsay Lohan's fourth time hosting Saturday Night Live — her first since a seemingly endless amount of legal troubles and rehab stints. In honor of her comeback, Lohan will be addressing everything that has made her tabloid fodder. Oh, and she'll be singing. Thanks, TMZ.

Campaigning in Ohio, Rick Santorum has kept his focus firmly on family values as opponent Mitt Romney concentrates on the economy. Santorum's biggest concern: families without one father and one mother. (He didn't actually adress gay families in his speech, but you can probably guess how he feels about that.)

Director Julie Taymor has taken to court to prove she was the victim of a conspiracy against her while working on Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark. Taymor was fired from the seemingly cursed show after a series of delays and accidents. According to Taymor, none of that was her fault.

The atheist group American Atheists has raised enough money to start spreading the word — not to be confused with "The Word" — about atheism. Billboards declaring that God is "a myth" will go up in Muslim and Jewish communities in New York.