A group of feral pigs are plaguing upstate New York, ravaging crops and ground-nesting birds, breeding like crazy, and generally causing a gross ruckus all around.

Heady development from the cutthroat world of slogan trademarking: Pepsi is officially not "The Choice of a New Generation" any more. Pepsi Co. poured countless millions into promoting the slogan, but stopped using it 20 years ago. Now, Ad Age reports that it has been scooped up by Malt-O-Meal! Which is called "MOM Brands" now, apparently. Don't act like yall don't eat that cheap-ass Malt-O-Meal cereal and shit! Shout out to Malt-O-Meal! You cheap bastards.

"People are taking the piss out of you everyday," begins "Banksy on Advertising." The four-paragraph quote has been widely distributed on Twitter and Tumblr, with attribution given to the elusive (and still anonymous) artist Banksy.

Yeah, yeah, who wants to buckle up in a cab? Most of us are content to slide around in the back and hope for the best. But you may want to reexamine that policy: the NY Daily News offers the story of Jane Lee, a woman who had to get 50 stitches after her face smashed into the cab partition during an accident.

Patrick Schwarzenegger, hunky son of the former California governor, was involved in a ski accident in Sun Valley this weekend. Patrick was not seriously injured and tweeted this photo of the aftermath.

There's been plenty written on Jose Canseco's bizarre and revealing Twitter account, but today's offerings are particularly rich. Canseco has been especially prolific of late, following his removal from the Mexican Baseball League. And while many of his tweets are simply angry or pleading — or informative, when it comes to the totally legitimate reasons behind injecting testosterone — today he's showing off his more poetic side.

Political comic strip Doonesbury will debut an abortion storyline next week, with a particular focus on the Texas law requiring pregnant women to receive a transvaginal ultrasound and then wait 24 hours before having an abortion.

Here's a short but sweet palate-cleansing story: lost hiker Margaret Page was stranded for three and a half weeks in a New Mexico forest. In order to stay alive, she cuddled with her cat Miya in her sleeping bag — both were able to brave below-freezing temperatures.

An American soldier opened fire on civilians in Kandahar Sunday, killing 16 Afghans including 9 children and 3 women. While most reports say a single soldier is accountable for the massacre, some eyewitness accounts maintain it was a group of American soldiers "who were laughing and appeared drunk."

On last night's Saturday Night Live, Paula Deen stopped by the Weekend Update desk to explain all the allegations against her, including hiding her diabetes, mismanagement of her restaurant and her use of the N word: nutrition.

Can a Mormon win the presidential election? Florida's Reverend O'Neal Dozier doesn't think so. The senior pastor, who has publicly expressed support for Rick Santorum, wants Mitt Romney to denounce his Mormonism. And no, it has nothing to do with posthumous baptisms.

Look, this isn't anything you don't already know: every so often a scientist will pop up to remind us that sleep is very, very important. But today, with our clocks set one hour forward for Daylight Savings Time, it seems especially relevant.

We try to believe that people are mostly not awful, but a depressing new study reveals we're right to be suspicious. Symantec found that 96 percent of lost cell phone finders will try to access the device, while an almost as staggering 89 percent will be looking for "personal-related apps and information." Oh, and the chance the finder will try to return the phone? Fifty percent.

Fist fights need not be restricted to bars and sporting events: today, two concertgoers at the Chicago Symphony began brawling as the second movement of Brahms Symphony No. 2 came to a close. And these men weren't in the nosebleed section — they had purchased box seats.

A 12-year-old Minnesota girl has joined forces with the ACLU to sue her school district. Minnewaska School officials penalized the girl, known only as "R.S.," for information she posted off of school property to her private Facebook page. At one point, she was "intimidated" into giving up her password so that administrators could see the rest of her posts.

It's Rick Santorum's turn to win a caucus, and he is close to doing that in Kansas. Granted, this process of selecting a Republican presidential candidate is not a turn-based system, but in this case, Santorum does owe his competitors a debt of gratitude for giving him a big leg-up.

It's been a while since we heard anything about Shawn Loftis (AKA Collin O'Neal), the CNN iReport journalist turned substitute teacher, who was fired last year for his gay porn career. Well, good news for Loftis — he's now back at work teaching at Nautilus Middle School.

For those of you who needed another reason to crush on Jon Hamm, the Mad Men star joined the ranks of legitimate TV actors ragging on reality TV personalities. His targets: Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.

American emo kids who think they have it rough should take note of this story out of Iraq: at least 14 young people have been stoned to death over the past three weeks, apparently for wearing "emo" clothes and haircuts.

Have you heard that video is a big thing over at Gawker Media? It's true, we watch and post a lot of videos each week. Here are some of the best videos of week, culled from an array of Gawker Media sites.