Invisible Children, the nonprofit behind the KONY 2012 campaign, has asked supporters to spend April 20 raising awareness of the crimes of Ugandan militia leader and horrible person Joseph Kony. But how can you raise awareness? How about with one of the many KONY 2012 knockoffs available on Cafepress, Etsy and deviantART? Here's a lovingly curated selection:

Jason Russell, the co-founder of Invisible Children and father of the five-year-old who featured in the viral KONY 2012 video, was detained in San Diego last night for "being drunk in public and masturbating," NBC San Diego reports. I know. I know.

Breathy Reaganite Peggy Noonan dislikes the coarseness that has crept into our public dialogue. The coarseness, she dislikes it. But there it is, in our public dialogue. Peggy Noonan did not create this world. Creating this coarseness is not something which sings to Peggy Noonan's soul. But she must acknowledge it. She is a columnist, you see. The coarseness, it is a topic of our time. "All this has devolved into a political argument about who's worse, the right or the left," sighs Peggy, metaphorically, by writing a sentence in her WSJ column. "I don't think that's the most important question, but since it's on the table the answer is the left."

Last night was the premiere of ABC's new drama Missing, in which Ashley Judd plays an ex-CIA agent searching for her son in Europe, which should sound familiar because it's also the plot of the Liam Neeson movie Taken. Either way, Judd got to do a lot crying and yelling and telling people that her son is in trouble. (Acting coach: "ASHLEY! ASHLEY! Your son is missing. Look concerned. Bite your lip...harder. HARDER. NOW FUCKING FREAKOUT.") Here's the pilot in 30 seconds.

What quaint cultural confusion is taking place in Canada today? "Adrian Wu's Message Baffles Audience," reports The Toronto Star.

BOVGOP, Buy One Vasectomy Get One Pizza, is the new BOGO. In festive March Madness spirit, Urology Associates of Cape Cod in Hyannis are offering one free pizza with every vasectomy performed.

In January, American Public Medial show This American Life aired a powerful episode exposing labor practices at the Foxconn factory in China which make Apple products, based on the monologuist Mike Daisey's work "The Agony and Ecstasy of Steve Jobs." The episode detailed Daisey's harrowing trip to Shenzen, where he said he met with workers who made Apple's iPad and iPhone. Now This American Life is retracting it, saying Daisey lied to them and portions of his story were fabricated.

Haters: when will this "Millennial" generation get to stop dealing with them? Probably never, if a new study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (and Haterz) is any indication. Contrary to the common knowledge on Twitter that Millennials are the most special and in general best generation thus far, the study found that they are, in fact, "more civically and politically disengaged, more focused on materialistic values, and less concerned about helping the larger community than were GenX (born 1962-1981) and Baby Boomers (born 1946 to about 1961) at the same ages."

Will this bunny crime wave never end? Days after the tragic death of earless German bunny Til, a floppy-eared bunny named Miss Cooper has been kidnapped from her home in the window of a stylish boutique in Manhattan.

Pennsylvania Governor Tom Corbett, the fearless leader who took two years to investigate serious allegations of child rape at his state university, doesn't get what all the fuss about this proposed ultrasound abortion bill is about. When women are forced to sit through a screening of their fetus' ultrasound, he suggests, they can just close their eyes.

Here's the trailer for the adaptation of the late 60's ghoulish soap opera, Dark Shadows. But alas, coated over and shellacked with Tim Burton camp and Johnny Depp shmaltz, the revival of the cult classic looks like it will be an unrecognizable homage to the original.

19-year-old Dharun Ravi, the Rutgers student who spied on his gay roommate Tyler Clementi kissing a man shortly before Clementi committed suicide, was convicted of multiple charges of invasion of privacy today and bias intimidation, a hate crime. (Note: We previously wrote that Ravi had been convicted only of invasion of privacy, based on incorrect early reports.)

The public relations industry is a festival of shamelessness in which the most shameless are never shamed. We are here to change that. This is PR Dummies. The most shameful shames, every week.

The anti-heroic menstruation of a Mexican prostitute has saved fearsome Sinaloa cartel boss Joaquin 'El Chapo' Guzman from arrest, Univision reports. Apparently a third party hired the prostitute without telling her she'd be servicing Guzman, a billionaire druglord who has been on the lam since escaping prison 11 years ago. According to Mexican daily Reforma, the prostitute was blindfolded and taken to a rented home in Los Cabos without being told who her client would be.

George Clooney was arrested today at the Sudanese embassy in Washington D.C. as he led a protest against Sudan's genocidal president, Omar al-Bashir. (The guy next to him is his dad.) You know Joseph Kony is so jealous. "Aw man, Omar gets Clooney and all I get is this random white dude and his kid."

Is Lady Gaga's 20.7 million-follower Twitter account really worth $30 million? That's what some marketing expert quoted by the Wall Street Journal claims. He says the "publicity and direct access Twitter gives Gaga to her fans is worth around one-third of the $90 million" she earned last year. I would have this marketing expert evaluate my own Twitter account for comparison but I already know its worth: $9.78 and a bag of Kettle Chips. Any takers? [Image via Splash News]

Private equity kingpin and walking manifestation of bad PR for the top 1% Stephen Schwarzman had a great, great year this year. This rich, selfish bastard—who compared a plan to raise taxes on private equity firms to Hitler invading Poland, and who stated that his number one New Year's wish, in the midst of the worst recession in a century, was to create a "tax-free zone" for wealthy foreign nationals in New York—had an outstanding 2011, compensation-wise.

Unsatisfied with merely maligning the memory of its freshly deceased editorial page editor by gratuitously reporting the embarrassing details of his death, the editors of the Portland Oregonian have now seen fit to fire a woman for the crime of trying to protect the family of her departed friend.

Last summer, police say, off duty NYPD officer Michael Pena, drunk late at night, grabbed a Manhattan woman off the street, pulled her behind a building, and raped her at gunpoint. This case, which could be just another NYPD Rape Cop case, is remarkable for its wondrous levels of twisted logic.

Two young women were charged with third-degree invasion of privacy today, after they allegedly captured and posted on Facebook a photo of elderly nursing home resident's genitals.