Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe" is the actual song of the summer, but Pink's just-released "Blow Me (One Last Kiss)" is bound to be nipping at its heels on the Billboard Hot 100 in no time. What sounds like the product of tossing Modest Mouse's "Float On" in a blender with some stadium rock and a pinch of house, this is the most undeniable ear candy I've heard from Pink since her debut single, "There You Go" (back when she was R&B and of ambiguous ethnicity). The yelping she does at the end of the chorus ("I've had a shit day, you had a shit day, we've had a shit day") is the best, riskiest use of her pipes yet. Pink often irritates me for carrying herself like she's above her pop peers, but here she actually is, so hooray for her.

I was once like you. I didn't think we needed another Spider-Man origin story, especially one that comes so soon after the perfectly serviceable last one. Sam Raimi's Spider-Man came out just 10 years ago and kicked off the trend of sensitive, thoughtful superhero fare that the film's parent company has undone with recent entries like the boneheaded Thor, the brain dead Captain America and the overrated but ultimately rewarding The Avengers. If we don't need another hero, we certainly don't need the same one twice.

In his upcoming memoir Soulacoaster: The Diary of Me, controversial King of R&B R. Kelly "reveals" that The Notebook — Nick Cassavetes' film adaptation of Nicholas Sparks' same-named novel — inspired him to pull the plug on his 12-year marriage to Andrea Kelly in 2009.

When in the Course of human/corporate person events shit gets to the point where John the Supreme Corporate Baptist himself starts fantasizing about socialism, you can usually count on those time-tested right wing psyops tactics to coax him back from the ledge long before George Will is forced to break a sweat. And so one naturally wonders of a violent historical aberration like Obamacare, to whom did the Chief Justice turn for moral guidance during that lonely, tormented month when the Federalist Society thought police set loose the full phone bank of cognitive repo men on the guy? Theory: it was Nicki Minaj. For one thing, the guy has not one but two kids in middle school. Herewith, the slightly more compelling evidence:

The latest front in America's whorish War on Decency could be as close as the drug store aisle. Our nation's Pandora-like women, outfitted in buttocks-baring short shorts as they prowl the landscape for the "good time" Appletini party boy of the night, now demand the right to have unspeakable varieties of grossly sexual concoctions and tools for prodding into nameless bodily crevices available for purchase at every small-town retailer and drug store. How long before your child comes home from a "candy run" to reveal a mouthful not of Lik-M-Aid but of KY Jelly, what with its eye-catching, alluring packaging?

The family of a three-year-old boy from Murrieta, California, became alarmed when they couldn't rouse him from a 15-hour sleep before realizing the toddler had consumed several of his grandmother's special "space cookies."

We learned yesterday that Duncan Brannan, the longtime voice of Chuck E. Cheese, the anthropomorphic character designed to indoctrinate children into belief in fiat money, has been fired from his position. Who will replace him? "The lead singer for the pop-punk bank Bowling for Soup." And Chuck himself?

Tom Cruise stars as retired United States Army Military Police Major Jack Reacher in Usual Suspects screenwriter Christopher McQuarrie's cinematic adaptation of Lee Child's best-selling thriller, One Shot.

One government agency is clambering all over itself this summer to let Americans know that mermaids almost certainly do not exist.

Have you heard Justin Bieber's new single, "As Long As You Love Me?" If you haven't yet, you will: Again and again until the only way to seperate its syrupy resin from your brain is a partial lobotomy. Justin Bieber fans have launched a stunningly well-orchestrated campaign to make sure Justin Bieber is the only song played on the radio this summer.

From the current (July 16) issue of OK! Magazine: "We often see Katie Holmes carrying around 6 year-old daughter Suri— dollies, blankets, and all. But on June 25, the little princess gave mom's back a break as they sprinted through the streets of NYC. With husband Tom Cruise shooting Oblivion in Iceland, the dressed-down Katie enjoyed some just-us-girls time with Suri, stopping by Chelsea Piers, Whole Foods and Jacque Torres Chocolate. They also saw the film Brave in the East Village. The pair rejoined Tom for his 50th birthday on July 3."

Variety reports that HBO has picked up Eastbound & Down a fourth season. This is something of a surprise, as creators Jody Hill and Danny McBride (who also plays the show's anti-hero Kenny Powers) had said that its third season, which wrapped in April, would be its last. It was indicated in a promo after the penultimate episode that the finale would be the "season finale," as opposed to the finale finale. Little did we know that would turn out to be gospel.

Mom-to-be Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi was spotted yesterday in Seaside Heights breaking in her new stroller with two-liter bottles of Pepsi and a case full of Silver Bullets.

Skip to the 1:20 mark for what you didn't see in Magic Mike: Channing Tatum making Hollywood's best male ass clap. What will he do next to keep us fanning ourselves collectively? The world is such an exciting place.

A rather incredible sync of former president Bill Clinton's iconic sax performance on the Arsenio Hall Show and French electro-shoegazers M83's "Midnight City" off Hurry Up, We're Dreaming languished in obscurity for an entire month despite being, as one correct individual put it, "the best video on youtube, hands down."

Swimmer and lazy person Michael Phelps announced Monday that he has dropped the 200-meter freestyle race from his London Olympic program, bringing his slate of events for the 2012 games down to a paltry seven.

In the United States of America, we do not have debtors' prison. Right? Oh, so wrong. The financial and legal penalties for being poor in America are only getting worse.

Out of 1,500 women surveyed by the photo gift website Mymemory.com, one in four said they've deliberately uploaded "ugly photos of friends" to Facebook, though had different reasons for doing so.

Little, Brown and Company this morning unveiled the cover of J.K. Rowling's first post-Harry-Potter novel, The Casual Vacancy.

A botched cut-off attempt by an inconsiderate taxi driver leads to a tense stand-off between the cab's three occupants and a passenger of the sideswiped vehicle after the latter criticizes the cabbie's "cock driving" and calls him an "ugly fuck."