Fiona Apple was arrested for hash possession Thursday — which, come on, seriously? On Friday, she related her jailbird blues to a concert audience in Houston.

Ah, the public Facebook invite. On the one hand, you want to be cordial and inclusive. On the other, you might attract some undesirables.

Get to know the offshore tax havens that help corporations avoid paying hundreds of millions of dollars.

[This work is not authorized or approved by those persons criminally charged or their attorneys, and the views expressed by the author do not reflect the views of anyone other than the author]

Why does Barack Obama hate Christians so much? The notorious anti-Jesus President is refusing to condemn the controversial work Piss Christ by Andres Serrano.

Shit happens at music festivals — shit like Green Day losing 20 minutes of their set to Usher. Is it fair? No. Is Billie Joe's profanity-laden temper tantrum amazing? God, yes.

No one wants to come across like a twitchy, drugged-up crazy person on television, which is basically what we got from Dina Lohan on Dr. Phil last week.

God preserve you if you have any idea what's happening inside Mitt Romney's brain. After a week that was already the worst of his campaign, it's as if the man said, "Oh, yeah? Watch this," and pulled back the hyperdumb levers of his magical farting machine, the Mittlennium Fuckup.

Author-turned-internet troll Bret Easton Ellis took to Twitter once again to offer his unsolicited opinion on the latest offense to the LGBT community.

Supermodel Maggie Rizer's two-year old Golden Retiever died from heatstroke during a cross-country United Airlines flight two weeks ago. Rizer said she followed United Airlines protocol and had her dog, named Bea, checked out by a veterinarian before the trip. As Rizer noted on her blog (which was named after her dog):

James Franco's new project? A spoken word Motown band called Daddy.

The last living member of Lynrd Skynyrd says the Confederate flag is racist. His fans are not handling it well.

Mitt Romney's 2011 tax returns, which were finally released today, show that Romney's family trust invested in two Chinese companies, a bank and a state-owned oil company. Then, as Romney's presidential campaign gained momentum, the trust sold the shares. This might not a big deal if Romney hadn't spent much of the past two years criticizing China for using unfair trade practices, and then faulting Obama for not being tougher on China's policies. For instance, Romney has said a lot of things like this:

In case you were worried about the Senate debating important issues, fret not; today, the last day in session before the election, Senators argued about whether 41 dead polar bears should be allowed into the country. Naturally, the argument fell along party lines, although, somewhat surprisingly, it was Democrats urging a vote for the hunter-friendly legislation, which, in addition to letting carcass fetishists bring home their dead bear trophies, would:

You know how sometimes you'll put a yogurt in your office fridge, storing it away like a squirrel, that was specifically purchased for your breakfast on Friday morning and in the meantime it becomes this sort of beacon of light, this tiny orb pulsing with the promise of freedom and the weekend, and you wake up Friday morning looking forward to eating it, whistling as you get ready for work because you know you're about to start your day the way the Greeks intended? Well someone in this office stole my yogurt from the fridge. For this week's hate mail roundup, please join me in channeling all of these negative vibes at the ratfink who violated me. Have a good weekend!

A Washington man suspected of stealing a woman's collection of rare coins worth some $100,000 is accused of spending those coins on pizza and movie tickets for himself and his girlfriend.

If you know you have a poor sense of smell, you'd better stop reverse-bragging that little weakness into conversation to make yourself seem "accessible" to fans; researchers in Australia are claiming a poor sense of smell could be linked to psychopathy. (Also, stop acting like you have "fans," you fucking psychopath.)

Yesterday, someone on the internet decided that President Obama's new campaign image—which features his campaign logo and some red stripes and is reminiscent of the American flag—kind of looks like this photo of a bloody handprint taken after the attack on the U.S. Consulate in Libya.

It took a few months, but the whole world now knows that Mitt Romney is just awful at running for president. One thing he's good at, however, besides accumulating ungodly sums of money, is staying in shape.

Like it has so many of you, Blake Lively's wedding to Canada's sweetheart Guy That Canada Wrought Ryan Reynolds has affected me personally in innumerable ways.