For a while this afternoon, the people running the respective social media accounts of Hillary Clinton and Bernie sanders tweeted some things about each other’s candidate of choice. A small number of people saw them and were amused or irritated, but most people didn’t. None of it will make any difference on February 9, or Super Tuesday, or tomorrow.
Former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari spent an indeterminate amount of time with our nation’s youth yesterday, according to the following PR email I received directly after she left them:
Goldman Sachs analysts are getting attention for speculating that if corporate profit margins stay at their abnormally high levels, it may raise fundamental questions about “the efficacy of capitalism.” But don’t fool yourself—Goldman Sachs is far too sophisticated to believe that capitalism “works.”
Though they get leaked time and time again, fraternities are apparently still sending dumb, racist emails to each other over their listservs. This week’s installment comes from the University of Chicago’s AEPi chapter, a traditionally Jewish frat. Buzzfeed has the emails, which are full of references to Muslim students as terrorists, Palestine jokes, and several invocations of the n-word.
Introducing a powerful new economic indicator: the Lube Crude Index (LCI). Today, a 55-gallon barrel of Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant, “the ultimate lube keg,” is purchasable for $1,175.82 on Amazon, with free shipping. Meanwhile, a standard barrel of crude oil costs $31.78. Today, the LCI is 28.25.
Incredibly, Ted Cruz—a man who memorized the Constitution in high school and has not let go of that fact since—has a unique way of relieving stress: Annoying the hell out of his wife.
Yesterday, Gawker reported on a clip of Bernie Sanders playing Rabbi Manny Shevitz (lol) in the 1999 comedy My X-Girlfriend’s Wedding Reception. “We knew Bernie,” the film’s director, Martin Guigui, told us this morning. “He was kind of a fixture in Burlington—a pretty personable mayor, walking the streets.”
Our nation has problems, and your nation has problems, but be thankful you don’t live in Venezuela, which is truly one of the most fucked places on earth.
The opening scene of FX’s new series The People vs. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story achieved true horror that no Ryan Murphy production previously has, not even the one named American Horror Story. Dread descended in the dreamlike moments leading up to the discovery of Nicole Brown Simpson’s mutilated body outside her home. That the series was able to achieve actual tension was truly masterful, given that just about everyone tuning in knew exactly where this was going.
Here is Chris Christie, speaking today about debating Hillary Clinton, which, it should be noted, will never happen:
Today, the most heat-generating issue in New York City—the issue that is prompting our council to consider a measure that it has never used before, according to one member—is not homelessness, or a lack of affordable housing, or even the L Train apocalypse—but the fate of the horse-and-carriage industry. How did we get here?
In a tweet that existed only briefly, like a soap bubble in a toilet bowl, Donald Trump just accused Ted Cruise of illegally winning the Iowa caucus, which is to say Ted Cruz broke the law.
Everything was all good a few days ago. Donald Trump was coasting in the Iowa polls even after ditching the state’s final debate as the latest maneuver in his petty one-sided feud with Fox’s Megyn Kelly. But then it all came crumbling down.
Behold the face of a man who will not be your 45th president for many reasons, chief among them: He’s quitting the race.
