Now that they're done pepper spraying defenseless protesters, the NYPD is working with Occupy Wall Street to combat crime. In the weeks after Hurricane Sandy, the Red Hook neighborhood in Brooklyn was without, as the New York Post puts it, "power or electricity," leaving residents and businesses vulnerable to any number of crimes. And yet, no storm-related crime was reported, despite spikes in other NYC neighborhoods. The reason?

After Vice exposed his location earlier this week, John McAfee was arrested in Guatemala today.

Last week, a kindergarten teacher at Austin's Pease Elementary School ("the oldest continuously operating school in the state of Texas," nbd) ruined Christmas for her five-year-old students in a particularly dick-ish manner.

Imagine if the married 48-year-old man who somehow acquired your phone number and texts you a picture of his dick everyday instead texted you a picture he had just drawn of Charlie Brown saying your name. That would be romantic right?

To help promote the idea that rescue dogs are just as good if not better than the breeder set, trainers from New Zealand's "premiere animal talent agency" Animals on Q have been spending the past eight weeks teaching three abandoned dogs how to drive at the behest of Auckland's Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

The White House is buzzing this week over the news that super countrystar Taylor Swift has recently begun hooking up with Harry Styles, a member of One Direction and her 39th boyfriend this year. We're having a hard time keeping track of every man in the universe, so we've assembled here the definitive Rolodex of Taylor Swift's past loves.

Jan Brewer, Arizona's MIA governor, is not afraid of confrontation. So when KTVK reporter Dennis Welch asked her about global warming this weekend, Gov. Brewer let him have it, and the video of her response instantly went viral.

Sometimes you come across a story from abroad that is so weird, but reported in such a straightforward, dull manner, that you think it's a mistranslation. The story behind this picture, which shows an impostor signing a massive fake business deal with the Ukranian government, is one of them.

Nickelback and Instagram are two things that are interminably ripe for mockery, so it stands to reason that marrying them in some way — like, say, by remixing the unholy earworm "Photograph" into a spoof song called "Look At This Instagram" — would yield a truly potent piece of satirical synergy.

A strike at the ports of Long Beach and Los Angeles has ended with a settlement. Meanwhile, in New York, an effort to unionize fast food workers is just getting under way. One represents American labor's past. The other represents its future.

According to the Mayan Calendar, we are all hurtling toward inescapable destruction. On December 21, the world will cease to be. What better way to help prevent the apocalypse than to join former NBA player and current Old Spice Champion Dikembe Mutombo in his quest to add more time to the calendar?

Yesterday, all by ourselves, without no inspiration whatsoever, we brought you the 19 Most Powerful Images of 2012. But we have to ask: was 2012 about "inspiring," "powerful" images? Or was it about celebrity nude photos naked nude sex tape topless? Looking back across the year, we can say, definitely, 2012's biggest story was nude topless celebrities download here for sex tapes.

Last Friday, the Tampa Bay Times published a nuanced and heartbreaking feature story about Gretchen Molannen, a 39 year-old Florida woman with a condition known as "persistent genital arousal." Molannen described how her condition—likened to constant, unceasing physical arousal without any of the accompanying mental or emotional arousal—forced her to masturbate for hours on end and virtually destroyed her personal and professional life. The day after the story was published, Molannen committed suicide. A local blogger says the paper has "blood on its hands." It does not.

With the news this morning that support for Texas secession has grown so rapidly in the last few weeks that members of the Texas Nationalist Movement have gone and founded their very own political action committee, the question that should probably be asked at some point is: Could Texas actually secede if it wanted to?

Authorities in San Jose, California, say two local residents kidnapped a handyman and held him hostage for several hours, forcing him to repair various things around their house.

Here is old as the earth former Senator Alan Simpson, come to urge you young people to stop tweeting and instagramming your eggs and whatever the hell this is, and use your social media savvy to get lawmakers to take control of the national debt. Sounds completely fool-proof.

The sight of a reunited John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John flash-frozen like a pair of extra-creepy BigSmile mannequins on the cover of their new holiday album may have been enough to spoil your Christmas spirit in perpetuity, but seeing the duo in motion could very well put an end to joy as we know it.

The up-and-coming young "Millennial" generation, comprised of a bunch of soup-slurping microbloggers who mistakenly believe that they are creating rather than following trends, is ready to accept it distinction as the biggest bunch of sellouts coolest generation that history has yet produced. They have an inherent ability—born, perhaps, of a sensitive attunement to the standards of truth and beauty which no machine can replicate—to tell you exactly what is cool, about an advertisement.

Legendary jazz pianist Dave Brubeck died of heart failure in Connecticut today en route to a routine appointment with his cardiologist, his longtime manager has confirmed. Tomorrow would have been Brubeck's 92nd birthday.

A throwaway Facebook post from Pizza Hut Canada soliciting comments from fans about the smell of "a box of Pizza Hut pizza being opened" has been taken to "the next level" by the company's marketing department.