The polling wizards at Quinnipiac University have released a new poll assessing Americans' opinions of a wide array of hot button issues, including women in combat, gun control, and abortion. While there are some surprises here, there are also some major "ya doi"s. So let's get into it.

Actually, it's quite a bit more than 53.

Everyone's phone just made the same noise, because, well, you know why. (Actually—make of it what you will—Gizmodo's phones made the noise a couple of minutes afterward.) So let's acknowledge the fact that everyone already knows the thing that everyone is talking about. SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW. Sometime. There.

New app lets kids "hold a smartphone over the newspaper to see a child-friendly version." It's called "Huffington Post."

Lest you think the gravity of civil war would preclude people from any having fun, here's a video of a bunch of Syrian soldiers dancing to Usher and Lil Jon's 2004 hit "Yeah!"

Fans of police chases were in for a treat last night when a freeway pursuit of a suspected drunk driver in a red Chevrolet Camaro ended with the car slamming into the sidewall and bursting into flames.

The experts said it would all be OK. They told us there would be no rat invasion of New York City after Superstorm Sandy. The scientists swore to us that the rats would not flow from their underground burrows in a squirming tidal wave of horror, fleeing the rising waters.

The ongoing American obesity crisis has doubtless had a negative impact on our nation's health, appearance, and collective long-jump ability. And that's not all: it's also actually making us dumber. The latest evidence is irrefutable.

Watching porn helps straight men accept marriage equality, says a study. Thanks for thinking of us, guys.

It's been nearly a week since a mysterious transient named Kai used a hatchet to save a woman from the clutches of a racist man claiming to be Jesus, but still very little is known about the Internet's newest hero.

Christopher Jordan Dorner, the 33-year-old ex-LAPD officer who allegedly killed a young Los Angeles couple on Sunday in revenge for his termination from the force, is only getting started, according to a rambling manifesto, alternately terrifying and bizarre, that he posted to Facebook earlier this week. "The Violence of action will be HIGH," he writes. "I am the reason TAC alert was established."

A suspect matching the description of Christopher Jordan Dorner, the ex-LAPD officer who allegedly set out on a revenge killing spree earlier this week, is said to be barricaded inside a hotel at Point Loma in Sean Diego.

Hyperlocal news site EveryBlock announced today it was shutting down for good. The closure marks an unexpected end to the site, which was once hailed for its innovation and ideas; the phrase "future of journalism" was once tossed around in reference to the site.

Sensitive, out (whatever that means) soul singer Frank Ocean is up for six Grammys, recently saw his beloved debut album channel ORANGE go gold and was the de facto good guy in a recent scuffle with pop culture's Big Bad Wolf, Chris Brown. Right now, Frank Ocean is America's sweetheart. The primary function, then of Jeff Himmelman's 6,000+ word profile on the singer/songwriter for the upcoming issue of the New York Times Magazine, is taking Ocean's image down a peg or two. "Frank Ocean Can Fly" does so immediately by leading with Ocean's snobbery when faced with Himmelman's economy rental car: "Frank Ocean did not want to ride in my rented Ford Fusion; that much was clear," goes the piece's first sentence. Instead, he had Himmelman drive one of his BMWs — Ocean couldn't on account of his New Year's Eve pot bust.

His Wikipedia page remains unchanged, but Marilyn Manson could very well be dead right now.

To my friends listed below, I wish we could have grown old together and spent more time together. When you reminisce of our friendship and experiences, think of that and that only. Do not dwell on my recent actions the last few days. This was a necessary evil that had to be executed in order for me to obtain my NAME back. The only thing that changes policy and garners attention is death.

From: Christopher Jordan Dorner /7648
To: America
Subj: Last resort
Regarding CF# 07-004281

Christopher Jordan Dorner, the 33-year-old ex-LAPD officer who allegedly killed a young Los Angeles couple on Sunday in revenge for his termination from the force, is only getting started, according to a rambling manifesto, alternately terrifying and bizarre, that he posted to Facebook earlier this week.

The Kappa Sigma fraternity's national organization has announced the suspension of its Duke chapter following an Asia-themed party deemed racist by many students.

The next mayor of New York City will not be George McDonald, though George McDonald is running for mayor. That's OK. George McDonald is already better than any mayor has ever been at addressing the most obstinate social problems in this city's modern history.