Symmetrical person Megan Fox will star as April O' Neil in Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles remake.

Math is obviously an important skill for elementary students to learn, and we support creative methods for teaching what, for some, is a boring subject. But, as we noted last year, there are much better ways to teach math than by using word problems about slavery. Alas, a fourth grade teacher at Manhattan's P.S. 59 failed to heed our warning and thought it would be a good idea to distribute a worksheet titled "Slavery Word Problems Homework," which included questions such as:

According to a document found by the Associated Press in Timbuktu, members of al-Qaeda in North Africa were in possession of a fairly detailed instruction manual for avoiding drone attacks. The document, which includes an easy-to-use list, is a copy of a paper reportedly penned by Abdallah bin Muhammad, a senior commander of al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula. It was apparently left behind by the North African group as they fled French troops last month.

Draft dodger and coot Ted Nugent is calling his 2013 tour "Ted Nugent Black Power" to try and court blacks to the GOP.

Beauty Gurus: YouTube is lousy with them.

A 10-year-old boy in Brockton, Massachusetts recently had oh, I don't know, THE BEST NIGHT EVER when he called the cops on his mom so he wouldn't have to go to bed and then got to meet a police officer.

This horse meat scandal is sweeping Western Europe and quivering even the stiffest of upper lips in Britain. Some people are concerned that the horse meat in their microwaveable pasta dinners may be tainted with an equine anti-inflammatory called phenylbutazone, which in huge doses can cause health risks. But let's get real: Most people are just grossed out at the thought of eating horse meat instead of cow meat. That's stupid.

You know that old saying, "don't store your bullets in the oven?"

After a long week of people compromising corporations' Twitter presences—specifically here and here—some real-deal hackers have gone into NBC's homepage and turned it into a mine field full of malware traps.

Wiz Khalifa & Amber Rose welcomed a son today: Sebastian Taylor Thomaz. Not to be confused with Jonathan Taylor Thomaz.

It's been happening for a whilllee, texters lengthening their verbage, and linguists are here to analyze. Using nearly 4 million words from students' digital-communications data, a linguist at the University of Toronto has discovered this word elongating practice is a trend most common among female twenty-somethings (though it extends to different ages and across both genders as well). Vowels are the most frequently duplicated letters, and often words are only elongated by two or three letters at a time.

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions (max: 200 words) to caity@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

"Sex on the Beach" was an entirely different kind of cocktail for a pair of young Brazilian lovers and the large crowd of onlookers who witnessed their unabashed water sports on Carnival Saturday.

After passing through the security checkpoint at Lambert-St. Louis International Airport without incident earlier this month, the youngest member of the Forck family — 3-year-old Lucy — was suddenly singled out by TSA agents for additional screening.

Kids these days are eating fewer calories, probably thanks to dinosaurs.

Like a pioneer frontiersman, award-winning blogger Andrew Sullivan struck out last year from the civilized climes of Washington D.C. to settle amidst the ill-mannered squalor of New York City. Unsurprisingly for a man used to the refined urban atmosphere of our nation's capital, Sullivan has found himself repeatedly disappointed—in the manners of his fellow city dwellers, in the city's response to Hurricane Sandy, in his cell-phone reception, in Best Buy, in UPS, in the delivery service that brought his couch, and, perhaps worst of all, in the water temperature at the offices of the Daily Beast. And yet his travails continue. In a searing dispatch today, Sullivan addresses the latest New York City failing to try his patience and test his faith: his new home's barbershop infrastructure.

According to an analysis of Twitter messages from researchers at the University of Vermont, Times Square is the happiest part of New York City. We are maybe not OK and it's time to move.

Jessica Powell and her partner Crystal Craven were married recently in what is believed to be Jones County, Mississippi's first same-sex wedding.

Here's a lesson on how to write about your break-up in a veiled-revealing way: When Your Ex is Nominated for an Oscar.

As part of a new interactive marketing campaign, telecommunications firm Qualcomm set up a wish-fulfilling bus stop that instantly rewarded impatient commuters with increasingly unconventional rides.