Talk about lost luggage: An English Springer Spaniel scheduled to fly in the cargo hold of a United Airlines plane bound for Phoenix somehow ended up on a flight to Ireland, instead.

Caution: Video opens on a close shot of an extremely dead cow.

This morning, Lindsay Lohan borrowed a private jet to fly to L.A. for court. She's now 30 minutes late and counting.

Beyoncé is so cute when she gets angry: If the art accompanying her new song(s) "Bow Down / I Been On" is any indication, she looks like her prepubescent pageant-girl self Photoshopped onto a picture of her old living room/trophy display area. That's only the first indication the weirdness of the release, which came via Beyoncé's Tumblr yesterday. The song amassed over a million streams on Soundcloud in less than 24 hours, which must be some sort of record.

Hillary Clinton did not, apparently, before this morning, officially support gay marriage; now, she announces in this YouTube video, she does. And only three days after conservative Republican Senator Rob Portman, too. And four years after Dick Cheney.

A few years ago, a tiny social network catering exclusively to rich wastrels called ASmallWorld became a momentary fascination of gossip sites like ours, because, hey—an "invitation only" snobby Facebook for rich people? Someone dial up the NYT Style section piece at once! At the peak of its hype, the company attracted Harvey Weinstein as an investor; but ASW's traffic remained flat, and the sheen of the "Myspace for Millionaires" wore off, and he offloaded his stake. Eventually, people who weren't members of ASW stopped hearing about it.

A 20-year-old Greek soccer player has been banned for life from Greece's national teams for apparently throwing up a Nazi salute after scoring a game-winning goal on Saturday. (Deadspin's got video, here.)

Mondays, am I right? The guys behind Insane Office Escape know what I'm talking about.

Three years ago, New York Times media reporter and occult career-bender David Carr was taking a tour through South by Southwest and asked the festival's film person what movie he should see. She tipped him off to a movie called Tiny Furniture and he fell in love. He gave the movie and its creator/star, a 23-year-old woman named Lena Dunham, 1,000 words in the Times.

In America, we have a stupid system of health care in which your health insurance, which might naturally be considered a fundamental human need, is covered by your employer, resulting in a horrible, expensive, uneven patchwork. At the same time, the earnings of most workers have remained stagnant for the past 40 years. It comes as little surprise, then, that workers are willing to gamble with their own health in exchange for more money in their pockets.

Today, in very interesting human beings: Andrew Wardle, a 39-year-old British man who was a) born with no penis and yet nevertheless managed to, with the help of LSD and ecstasy, b) sleep with over 100 women and is now about to c) undergo surgery to turn skin from his arm into a functioning penis in the proper place.

Police in Chicago say a teenager with gang ties tried to blame a self-inflicted gunshot to the groin on a pair of ninjas before eventually coming clean.

If there is one thing the Internet loves its cochlear implants. Namely, watching people with cochlear implants react to having them switched on for the first time.

College is not some soft fantasyland where professors gently stroke students' egos with uncontroversial lessons. College is a place where students come to have their opinions challenged, preferably by a law professor who shoves them and steals their cellphones.

Police investigating reports of a man with a gun at a University of Central Florida dorm found a student dead from an apparently self-inflicted gunshot wound—and explosives and firearms in his room. All morning classes have been cancelled, and the dorm has been evacuated.

Morning comedy from Feb. 7, 2007: "Will Myspace ever lose its monopoly?" ("It may already be too late for competitors.")

Eurozone finance ministers are demanding a one-time levy on bank deposits of all sizes—even on insured accounts—as part of a bailout package for Cyprus, which is teetering on the brink of bankruptcy. Cypriots sprinted to banks and ATMs this weekend, waiting in long lines to withdraw cash after hearing about the plan on Saturday; if approved by Cyprus' parliament, it would mark the first time ordinary European depositors would be asked to take a haircut for a bailout plan. The levy would take 6.7 percent for deposits of less than 100,000 Euros and 9.9 percent for those above, and while more progressive plans have been floated, as it stands right now "[t]his is a conscious choice to make poorer people pay to help richer ones," The Financial Times writes. Why lean on the little guy? In all likelihood to preserve the island nation's status as an offshore haven for, in particular, Russian businessmen. Still, the tax is far from being assured: it's unclear whether President Nicos Anastasiades has the necessary majority to approve the plan, and the vote has been delayed until tomorrow. [Financial Times | NYT | Reuters | image via Getty/AFP]

The actor playing Satan on The History Channel's The Bible looks like a certain president. Guess which one.

Taking their cues from direct-to-DVD action movies, two inmates broke out of a Quebec prison today by climbing a rope to a hijacked helicopter hovering above the jail's yard. Quebec provincial police later arrested three people 30 miles from St. Jerome prison, including one of the inmates, 36-year-old Benjamin Hudon-Barbeau. The other escaped inmate, 33-year-old Danny Provencal, is currently "surrounded," according to police.

Twitter creator Jack Dorsey wants to run for mayor of New York. Let's hope all of NYC's future mayors are billionaires.