A new book reveals that the CIA made a deal with Pakistan that allowed the United States to begin its drone assassination program in exchange for the murder of an enemy of Pakistan. In an excerpt in tomorrow's New York Times, journalist Mark Mazzetti outlines how Pakistan, which was resistant to allowing the CIA to begin killing targets within its borders, asked the CIA in 2004 to kill Taliban-ally Nek Muhammad, in exchange for allowing the CIA to begin its drone strike assassination program in the country. Pakistan would take responsibility for the death of Muhammad, and the CIA would never be mentioned in official accounts of his death.

Ben Carson is a darling of the conservative movement (some say for all the wrong reasons). Also, he thinks gay marriage and pedophilia deserve to be grouped together. Wait, I mean, he doesn't think that at all...or he does, but he's sorry people are offended...I'm confused.

Trying to report on that oil spill (that's technically not oil, for tax reasons) that has devastated a small Arkansas community? Well, you're going to have to go through ExxonMobil before taking a good look at the area, and they're not being too keen on allowing reporters onto the site.

If you measure the success of the New York City Police Department in terms of how many residents are angry at it, don't trust it, say they've been wronged by it, or could've been eaten by it, the NYPD is doing great!

Vampires better watch out: Wesley Snipes has been released from prison after serving three years for tax evasion.

In terms of "coolest ways to die," it's hard to beat "sucked into a black hole." The question's just: what would that entail, exactly? No one has first-hand experience. Would you spend weeks floating past its event horizon, before eventually being ripped apart? Or would you—as string theorist Joseph Polchinski recently proposed—soar into a "seething maelstrom of particles... hit a wall of fire and be burned to a crisp in an instant"?

My new roommate owns a gun and has a concealed weapons permit. I have no idea what kind of gun, but I know it's small enough to fit in the front of his jacket while he works at his job outdoors. He's told me that when he stands outside, at a non-security job, sometimes people try to start fights with him, and he reaches his hand inside his the front pocket of his jacket. He tells them he's not the one to fuck with.

ESPN recently polled its readers about gay people in professional sports and found out that, well, people are still kind of homophobic (surprise!). One poll found that 56 percent of its readers think a player coming out while still a pro athelete would be a "selfish act" that would divide the locker room.

A man died in Brooklyn after cutting his hand on a broken bottle and then bleeding out. Be careful out there, people!

A retired couple in Italy killed themselves Friday after they saw their pensions evaporate and their quality of life plummet as Italy (and Europe as a whole) continues to experience deep economic recession and stagnation.

According to Zagat, "'Sharing" is the thing at this "rustic" bi‑level Villager," but an Alta pastry chef might have shared a little more than diners asked for at the pricey tapas restaurant.

An Egyptian court has dropped charges against Bassem Youssef, Egypt's "Jon Stewart."

In his budget for next year, President Obama will include $100 Million towards NASA "lasso-ing" a nearby asteroid, then exploring it. The money set aside will only cover the costs of planning the mission and identifying a correct asteroid (not too big, not too small), but the project has long been a goal for NASA administrators looking to learn more about how to mine (!) asteroids, as well as deflect them in case of a possible collision with Earth.

Our hate mail this week was rarely related to the content of our articles, but rather, they included a variety of suggestions (impudent, demanding or otherwise) to improve the consumer experience. There was also a royal 'we' user, a confused order for oil, inquiries about divorce, a weirdly concerned uncle or aunt, and confirmation that we are a definitely NOT invited to the White House. Read them all below.

A Russian man who reportedly tricked his ex-wife into detonating a homemade explosive device on herself says he did so in an effort to foster an atmosphere of reconciliation.

If you're not following Amanda Bynes on Twitter right now, you are missing out on some truly macabre cabaret.

"When I picked this one up, I knew he was special," Patti Burke told Florida Today.

Dylan Byers, the dumbest media-news reporter in the business, has been thinking a lot during the past 24 hours about the difficulties of being a man. The Politico, America's worst media outlet and Byers' employer, reported yesterday afternoon that President Obama had called California attorney general Kamala Harris "the best-looking attorney general in the country" at a fundraiser. Even as The Politico started and amplified a fuss over the president's remarks, according to its usual mechanical fuss-making protocol, Byers wondered what the fuss was about:

Now this is a football highlight reel.

"I'd enjoyed a few beers and it seemed a good idea at the time," said an unnamed angler who recounted to the Northern Territory News a recent misadventure involving a log, a paddle, a lack of clothing, and the infamously croc-infested Daly River in Australia.