Mike and his fiancée MaiLien were all set to get married this Saturday on the steps of the Jefferson Memorial when the government shutdown abruptly shut down their dreams.

An unnamed postal employee (who likely won't be a postal employee for much longer) was recently caught on a home security camera driving her delivery vehicle over the homeowner's front lawn in order to drop off a small package.

A hunting cabin in northeastern Oregon was the scene of a mysterious and gruesome crime earlier this week, when a 14-year-old boy shot two of his hunting partners to death before accidentally wounding himself.

Remember Bell, California? It is the most corrupt little town in America, a poor city where eight elected officials were arrested for paying themselves tremendous salaries and robbing the taxpayers blind. You may be glad to hear that the former big bossman is about to go to jail.

If you haven't yet acquainted yourself with BatDad, the best dad on Vine, now is the perfect time to do so.

A large majority of the millionaires in California "actually feel better off now than before the 2008 financial crisis." Great.

Though dozens of her colleagues have decided to either forego receiving a paycheck or else donate their salary to charity while the government is shut down and hundreds of thousands of federal employees have been furloughed, Rep. Renee Ellmers (R-NC) is adamant about making sure her $174k/year plus benefits remain undisturbed.

Yesterday afternoon, Miriam Carey was shot to death by police at the U.S. Capitol after leading a high-speed car chase through the heart of Washington D.C. In the hours since, details about Carey's life have emerged, though anything resembling a motive or reason for the incident is still absent.

Miriam Carey, killed by police Thursday after a car chase through Washington D.C., was suffering from post-partum depression. According to her mother Idella Carey, Carey “got sick” after giving birth last August and, because of her depression, had spent time in the hospital.

A Long Island school bus attendant has been accused of breaking a 5-year-old autistic’s boy arm on Monday. According to Suffolk County police, Richard Mason, 39, was attempting to discipline the young boy when he “grabbed the child’s arm and pulled it behind his back, fracturing it.” The child also sustained bruises to his face and abdomen.

According to a statement from White House press secretary Jay Carney, President Obama has now canceled his upcoming trip to Asia: "The president made this decision based on the difficulty in moving forward with foreign travel in the face of a shutdown, and his determination to continue pressing his case that Republicans should immediately allow a vote to reopen the government."

For those interested in a distraction from Miley and / or shutdown-related news, this video posted by the AP should do it. Sometimes bleating baby animals make it all better. According to the video's description:

With all the insanity swirling around D.C. today, you may have temporarily forgotten that the United States government is in its third day of shutdown. How did that happen? Well, it turns out that a game of shutdown chicken may have been the plan all along.

A Michigan optometrist was charged Monday with indecent exposure after allegedly forcing a female patient to watch him masturbate. According to the Oakland County Sheriff’s Office, Dr. Robert Emmett Deck III of Oxford Township fit a 33 year-old woman with new contacts and then asked her to come into his personal office. When she stepped into his office, she “suspected something was not right” and pulled out her iPhone. Once he began masturbating, she was able to record audio of the Aug. 13 incident.

Sinead O'Connor has written another open letter to Miley Cyrus today. This one begins with a simple and beautiful question: "Who the fuck is advising you?" O'Connor asks. "Because taking me on is even more fuckin’ stupid than behaving like a prostitute and calling it feminism."

To introduce this year's Treehouse of Horror special, The Simpsons teamed up with a man who knows a thing or two about the genre: Dark fantasy master Guillermo del Toro.

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions (max: 200 words) to caity@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

Wendy Davis, the Texas state senator who became famous in June after filibustering an ultra-restrictive abortion bill (which later passed), just announced that she intends to run for governor of the state on the Democratic ticket. Early polls have her trailing the main Republican opponent, Attorney General Greg Abbott, by eight points, but half of those surveyed said they were undecided.

Wondering why your television network came in fifth place last year? It might be because its president is a ghost-hunting, angel-believing ski bum.

A beautiful thing happened on Thursday morning. The Drudge Report threw up a giant headline, “SIGN UP: 1-800-FUCKYO,” beneath a Photoshopped picture of Barack Obama holding the bell of a stethoscope. The headline linked to a Daily Caller item, published several hours prior, about Healthcare.gov’s toll-free hotline, which is 1-800-318-2596. These numbers, associate editor Katie McHugh wrote, correspond to 1-800-FUCKYO. Sort of.