A stash of "intimate photos" starring Nicolas Cage and his ex-girlfriend/baby mama Christina Fulton were allegedly swiped from the latter's home earlier this year by a handyman.

A mere 24 hours after revealing the first official promo poster for Maleficent, Disney has unleashed the first official teaser trailer for the highly anticipated dark fantasy film.

A civilian Navy official scored a nearly $2 million dollar contract for his ne'er-do-well mechanic brother to illegally produce "unmarked and untraceable" silencers for AK-47s, patterned after car mufflers, allegedly to sell to the Navy SEAL team that killed Osama bin Laden, according to federal court documents and a Washington Post article published today.

NYC power company Con Ed has the highest electricity prices in the nation—"more than twice the national average price." Fuckers.

Since the October 1st launch of the Affordable Care Act website there has been no Frequently Asked Question more frequently asked than "who is that girl?"

Kevin Trudeau is a longtime TV pitchman famous for selling the public secrets that "THEY" don't want you to know. For example, THEY don't want you to know that Kevin Trudeau is a fraud who is now in jail.

Despite repeated promises from the Obama administration, the dysfunctional HealthCare.gov website is unlikely to be working at full capacity by the end of November, according to the Washington Post.

["Three Studies of Lucian Freud," a 1969 triptych by Francis Bacon of his friend and artist Lucian Freud, sold for a mere $142.4 million at Christie's Tuesday night. The unknown buyer won the piece after six minutes of "fierce bidding." Image by Christie's via AP]

In a devastating loss for one Washington family, 17-year-old twin sisters Janeah and Janesah Goheen of Oak Harbor were killed after a Halloween night crash severely damaged their vehicle. Janeah was killed instantly, but Janesah lived 11 more days, dying Monday afternoon at Harborview Medical Center.

In one of the most compelling ledes ever written, a Tuesday Metro story begins:

Not to be outdone by Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga admitted in a radio interview that she used to smoke 15-20 joints a day to self-medicate for a hip injury. And while Gaga believes weed "is the best of drugs" to choose from, she also wants young kids to know they "actually can become addicted to it."

[The Chicago-based Council on Tall Buildings and Urban Habitat announced on Tuesday that One World Trade Center in New York City is the officially the tallest building in the United States. Suck it, Chicago. Image by Mark Lennihan via AP]

The Hawaii State Senate passed a bill on Tuesday legalizing same-sex marriage and The Associated Press was quick to highlight the vote's cultural significance: "Hawaii Senate passes gay marriage, clearing islands to become a same-sex wedding destination."

Esquire's December issue features a mammoth profile of Rosemary Clooney's most famous nephew, the popular actor George, entitled "GEORGE CLOONEY'S RULES FOR LIVING." It opens with the sentence, "You must love him." It is unclear whether the 6,062 words that follow are meant to support or subvert this thesis.

In roughly the past decade, the rate of drug overdose deaths in the U.S. has risen almost 300% in urban counties, and almost 400% in rural counties.

The Wayne County Medical Examiner has officially ruled Renisha McBride's death a homicide. The Detroit News reports that her killer, an unnamed, 54-year-old white male who says his gun fired "accidentally," shot McBride on his porch. Authorities are continuing their investigation and have yet to charge the shooter.

If you love excitement, you're going to love these last years of your life. Civil war, food riots, monster storms and a lot more apocalyptic religious extremism will spice up even the dullest and most comfortable existence, according to a new United Nations report on the now-constant insanity we boringly call "climate change." But even the weather seems to be capitalist, because the demons of global warming most enjoy hurting the poor.

Makeup artist Samantha Ravndahl took to Reddit's "Makeup Addiction" subforum earlier today to ask a "slightly unrelated" question: What do I do if Lil' Kim stole one of my photos to use as art for her latest album?

Rand Paul really, really doesn't want you to think he's a plagiarist. (Well, not anymore, anyway.) After being accused of lifting content from uncredited sources on multiple occasions, the Kentucky senator included no fewer than 33 footnotes in the speech he gave at the Citadel today.