"I see no difference between eating animals and paedophilia. They are both rape, violence, murder. If I'm introduced to anyone who eats beings, I walk away." - The always adorable Morrissey

Police in Chicago say there were fewer murders in the Second City last year than in any year since 1965, and there were 30 percent fewer shooting victims than in 2012. There were probably fewer gun-related deaths than there were right-wing rants about how Chicago is hell on earth because of liberalism and gun control.

Breastfeeding in church is apparently a controversial issue. Considering the fact that this issue contains both tits and Jesus, let's keep that controversy going as long as possible. Clickety click.

The sun is out over Manhattan now, after the darkness of the winter storm. Yet will the city ever recover? For the first time in decades, New York had to face frozen precipitation without the steadying hand of a right-wing authoritarian or a pragmatic technocrat as mayor. Now, as the New York Post has been warning us, the city is being run by a potentially feckless radical, who cares more about identity politics and fostering class resentment than the nuts and bolts of governance.

You may have heard reference to the word "zen." You may also have heard reference to the word "zazen." What is the difference? Uh... "zazen" is German. Enough with these foolish questions.

"Cultural appropriation" is usually understood as a one-way street: A privileged outsider steals from a disenfranchised group and eats the profits. This is an easy enough narrative, but the truth is generally more complicated—see Little Richard's gratitude for Elvis Presley as an "integrator." Or take James Franco and Travis Mathew's new film Interior. Leather Bar, a fascinating instance of cultural "appropriation" that feels like cultural exchange.

"I feel like he always gets off," pregnant Samantha Scheibe told a police investigator after her boyfriend—George Zimmerman, killer of Trayvon Martin, alleged abuser of his wife, violator of innumerable traffic laws, collector of many firearms—pointed a shotgun at her and smashed her belongings. Scheibe was right, again.

An entire decade ago, Gawker Media launched a D.C. spinoff called Wonkette. There were no iPhones or tablets or black presidents then, just crude weapons such as "blogs" and "the Blingee." Now-old editors including Alex Pareene, Jason Linkins, Josh Fruhlinger, Kirsten Boyd Johnson and "Ken Layne" are today sharing their mostly heartbreaking tales of madness, booze, blood and Santorum on this blessed anniversary. (Original editor Ana Marie Cox skipped the reunion.) Wonkette itself was spun off (to me!) in 2008, and continues as a filthy website about the vile comedy of politics, led by Wonkette-in-Chief Rebecca Schoenkopf.

An editor fired from Byliner claims his severance was withheld because he refused to sign a "non-disparagement" clause requiring him to "never make any negative or disparaging statements (orally or in writing) about the Company" after leaving. German Scheisse porn GIFs don't count as written statements, right?

MC Serch, the more mediocre half of cactus-grabbing golden era hip hop group 3rd Bass, is getting a daytime talk show on CBS, which "will feature real people with real issues, relying on host Serch to use his street smarts and unconventional background to help guests grapple with and resolve their problems."

David Waddell—plumber, city councilman, dedicated conservative—was fed up with all the government bureaucracy in Indian Trail, North Carolina. So he sent the mayor a latter saying he was quitting. Or, more precisely, "chaq DaHjaj QaQ jaj paj."

"To make us love our country, our country ought to be lovely," Edmund Burke wrote. Easy for him to say: He was English. Who doesn't love being ruled by a patrilineal order of puffy gilded-crowned pure-breeds? Americans, that's who. But dammit, this anti-monarchism is just killing us, according to Politico Magazine.

According to a report in the Washington Post based on Edward Snowden-provided documents, the NSA is working to build a quantum computer that would be capable of cracking nearly every type of encrypted code in the world, including files for banks, medical facilities, and governments.

A lion is reportedly on the loose in the Tampa Bay area after escaping from a non-profit exotic animal sanctuary. Its whereabouts are unknown, but if it can find a lamb to lay down with, we can get these End Times rolling.

The thermometer says it's 15 degrees outside right now. Wind chill of -2. Even inside, I can hardly feel my toes. But you know what I can feel? This nice, warm, crackling fire. Feel that? Mmm. Yes. Hot. I could close my eyes and die of frostbite in its warmth, right now.

Good morning. Is there snow on the sidewalk in front of your residence or place of business right now? Shovel it.

Analysts say that America's unemployment rate could soon drop by a full half point, representing many hundreds of thouands of people off the official unemployment rolls. It's all thanks to one neat policy trick.

Looks like Kim Jong-un was more upset about those clams, crabs, and coal mines than anyone thought: According to a report in pro-China paper Wen Wei Po, Kim executed his uncle, Jang Song-thaek, by feeding him alive to a pack of 120 hungry dogs.

"For a little while in my teenage years, my friends and I smoked marijuana," writes David Brooks, the pop sociology professor of choice for Republicans hip enough to drive Audis. "It was fun." Was it, David? Was it really?

Good morning! Congratulations on surviving (so far) the blistering winter storm that is not named Hercules. Here's what happened while you were sleeping.