“Fuck Verizon!”

According to a new report from the anti-poverty charity Oxfam, systemic abuse of the global tax system has allowed an “opaque and secretive network” of 1,608 subsidiaries owned by American corporations like Apple and General Electric to hide $1.4 trillion in offshore tax havens.

In 2011, Lt. John Pike of the UC Davis Police doused student protesters in pepper spray about as casually as you would Febreeze your couch. The savagery was caught on camera, of course, and became an object of national outrage—so much so that the university spent a six-figure sum trying to scrub it from Google, the Sacramento Bee reports.

Earlier month, attorneys for ex-NYPD cop Peter Liang, who, in February, was found guilty of manslaughter in the shooting death of Akai Gurley, filed a motion arguing that Juror No. 9, Michael Vargas, should not have been allowed on the panel. His estranged father, it turns out, served time for manslaughter. Vargas also made a number of anti-cop comments on Facebook.

Thanks to CNN’s town hall, America just got another glimpse into the waking hell that is Heidi Cruz’s daily life. Tonight’s entry into the Heidi Cruz catalogue of the macabre: A newlywed Ted Cruz celebrates by buying 100 cans of Campbell’s Chunky soup.

According to a new report issued by the Police Accountability Task Force, police in Chicago have “no regard for the sanctity of life when it comes to people of color,” confirming empirically what people in the community have known intuitively for decades.

Recode asks: “Did Jack Dorsey send beard shavings to rapper Azealia Banks to promote Square Cash?” Well—did he? For the GIF-filled answer, click here.

Politico is reporting, based on multiple unnamed sources, that the attorney general of Florida’s Palm Beach County will not file battery charges against Donald Trump’s combative campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, after a Breitbart reporter named Michelle Fields filed a police report against him last month:

“Officers involved in one in every six deaths recorded during the first quarter of 2015 have a year later been cleared of wrongdoing...despite no announcements being made by authorities,” the Guardian reports. “If this rate is maintained, almost 200 deaths in 2015 will be officially approved away from the public eye.”

The chair of New York City’s Civilian Complaint Review Board, an independent government agency tasked with reviewing complaints against the NYPD, announced his resignation today. The news comes one day after the CCRB’s executive director filed a lawsuit him, alleging that he referred to her and other female employees as “pussies” and “[trampled] on the rights of and [retaliated] against those who complain about his misogynistic views.”

Matthew Keys, a social media figure who rose to prominence as one of the media sphere’s first great Twitter power users, was just sentenced to two years in prison for helping deface the website of the Los Angeles Times, BuzzFeed reports.

Mr. Spaghetti was a very bad dog, often pooping inside and on his owner’s son’s toys. He would also bark at the Dominos delivery boy who was only trying to do his F***ing job. Mr. Spaghetti is not missing. Mr. Spaghetti is dead.

On Tuesday, the #NeverTrump PAC posted an attack ad on Youtube accusing Donald Trump of stealing $150,000 of taxpayer money intended to help small businesses recover from the September 11, 2001, terror attacks. The ad is pretty much correct, but didn’t mention Trump’s other, weirder post-9/11 financial activity: a $1,000 donation to the New York Rescue Workers Detoxification Fund, which was co-founded by Tom Cruise and offered firefighters a treatment program designed by the founder of Scientology, L. Ron Hubbard. Here’s how it all went down.

Several delegates in Indiana say they were threatened and harassed by Donald Trump supporters after giving interviews about their preferences to Politico this week.

When the faceless editors of Wikipedia decide an article is not fit for public consumption, it’s gone, only accessible to the site’s top editors—at least, it was. But now we’re keeping track of all the articles Wikipedia doesn’t see fit to print, to present you with very best of the site’s weirdest and worst. Please, enjoy.

Ethan Couch, the infamous “affluenza teen” who skated on probation after killing four people in a drunk driving accident in 2013, has finally been tagged with the extended prison sentence he and his family fled the country to avoid.

“If the shell isn’t fried the proper 90 seconds or if it sits for more than 15 minutes after cooking, the cheese hardens and won’t be melty enough for a proper stringy bridge between separated pieces.” The complex machinations behind the Taco Bell Quesalupa.

Last week, a local Denver journalist named Stan Bush reported that Hillary Clinton’s campaign appeared to be using a hidden static noise machine to prevent reporters and other passerby from hearing the candidate’s stump speech at an outdoor fundraiser held at the private residence of Colorado’s governor, John Hickenlooper. The general allegation hung in odd kind of limbo, however, since Bush managed to record the machine’s (inherently indiscriminate) sound but was unable to photograph the actual device, while Clinton’s press shop ignored reporters’ attempts to confirm the machine’s existence. Meanwhile, the underlying question went unanswered: Why was Clinton using a static noise machine in the first place?