A few weeks ago, we warned you that a criminal was on the loose, and that he might be a cartoon. Well, the jokes on us: police caught the guy, and he turned out to be a real human! With lips and everything!

A surgeon in Alabama trekked more than six miles on foot during Tuesday's snowstorm to perform life-saving brain surgery on a patient.

German researchers have determined that six-year-old children are loving angels, but eight-year-olds regularly indulge in a "hatred for opposing groups." Especially boys. Relax, though! It's not your fault.

New York mayor Bill de Blasio has announced that the city will end its appeal of a ruling against the NYPD's stop and frisk policy. If everything goes according to plan, slightly fewer minorities will be harassed by cops in New York City in the near future.

This strange and savage American winter has produced many oddities, and the appearance of Snowy Owls from the Arctic Circle has been the only delight in a season of ice and gloom. And then a Washington DC bus struck a beloved white owl a block away from the White House Rose Garden.

Last weekend, Medrick Cecil Mills, 77, collapsed in the street in Washington, DC. Fortunately, he was across the street from a firehouse. Unfortunately, they wouldn't help him.

Oof. Toby is a 33-year-old who says he has spent $100,00 on about 100 plastic surgery procedures in the hope of resembling Justin Bieber. Oof. Toby came upon this idea when he was 28, saw his face aging, and "didn't know what to do." Oof. Now he travels around Los Angeles asking people, "Do I remind you of anyone?" Sometimes he does a little Bieber-esque head tic to emphasize his side swept 'do, a hairstyle that Bieber abandoned several years ago at this point. Oof oof oof.

One of my coworkers who, to be honest, I find to be rather annoying, recently began growing what can only be referred to as a Hitler mustache. I am afraid he doesn't realize it as such, and that no one else at work will be willing to tell him. I don't know for sure how many friends he has outside of work.

Rep. Henry Waxman (D-Calif.), an outspoken liberal voice in the House whose district included Beverly Hills, Santa Monica, and parts of Malibu, announced he will retire from Congress after this year. Waxman, 74, called the job "frustrating" of late: "Nothing seems to be happening."

As many as 40 students at Uintah Elementary in Salt Lake City had their lunches—which they'd already received from the cafeteria—seized and trashed by school authorities because their parents were behind on payments.

Bombshell actress and Obama campaigner Scarlett Johansson surprised plenty of people today by parting with the social justice charity Oxfam over her decision to star in a series of ads promoting Sodastream, an Israel-based company. What the hell happened? Here's everything you need to know.

After wealthy venture capitalist Tom Perkins wrote a letter to the editor in the Wall Street Journal comparing Nazi Germany's war on Jews to America's "war" on the rich, he could only find one media outlet extreme enough to voice its support: the Wall Street Journal's editorial page.

On Wednesday the New York City Police Department arrested a 24-year-old Queens resident named Leighton Jennings for the January 17 beating of Randy Gener, an openly gay 45-year-old journalist, on Seventh Avenue in Midtown Manhattan. Details of a Facebook profile that appears to belong to Jennings—including his name, date of birth, and physical description—match those provided to Gawker by an NYPD arraignment officer.

Spoilers here. Get your spoilers here.

"Just when some people have gotten used to the idea that a high-end haircut might cost hundreds of dollars, elite stylists are raising their prices to $1,000 and beyond." That sure is one pricey haircut!

As part of Conan's Lost Auditions project, the guys from Workaholics filmed an audition reel for the upcoming fourth season of Game of Thrones. Judging from the results, the trio should stick to singing about best friends.

The rough week for Justin Bieber continues: Last night, the 19-year-old turned himself in to Toronto police on charges that he allegedly assaulted a limo driver in December.

A Tennessee Pizza Hut manager who recognized a police officer she didn't like got herself arrested after the cop spotted her spitting on his pizza.

[British ballet dancers protested outside of the Russian Embassy today, calling for Vladimir Putin to allow freedom of expression and gay rights in Russia. The protestors danced portions of "Swan Lake," a beloved Russian ballet, on the street outside of the embassy to raise awareness. Image by Dan Kitwood via Getty.]