Good news for America's growing ranks of poor people already plagued by heart disease and diabetes: Twinkies, the industrial spooge-tube cakes that will never become stale, will now be sold by discount retailer Big Lots at up to 40% less than grocery store prices.

Are you ready for the latest in Doritos technology? Doritos and 7-Eleven have partnered to test a cheese-stuffed snack called a "Doritos Loaded" at several select locations. But what is it? It's reportedly like a mozzarella stick, if the outside of a mozzarella stick were a Dorito.

"Americans are apparently less skeptical of astrology than they have been at any time since 1983," says science. Who are the most credulous among us? The youngs: 18- to 24-year-olds. The stars tell me they're powerless to fix those student loan statements piled up on the futon in mom's bonus room.

Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse for Justin Bieber: Madam Tussaud's has removed the 19-year-old's wax statue at its New York location. Why? Because his fans have fondled it too many times.

Figure skater and NBC commentator Johnny Weir enters his fourth straight day of Olympic sartorial heroism with what can only be a tribute to the games' most important story, lead announcer Bob Costas' conjunctivitis.

Yesterday, WGN in Chicago aired a report about students developing an app that will help you expunge your criminal record. Great idea! Another good idea? Clearing your browsing history of any links to masturbation videos before going on the local news.

God knows we're no friends of Vladimir Putin and the Russians' iron hand over here, but there is nothing more annoying than a whiny bunch of Eurasian Islamists with a big wish list.

Walmart, America's largest seller of stuff, has recently been plagued by very public problems with understaffing and poor customer service. Why has the Walmart shopping experience become so chaotic and unpleasant? An actual Walmart employee graciously explains, below.

Heads up if you're planning on traveling to northern India soon: A single tiger has reportedly killed at least 10 people in the region over the past seven weeks.

[Bode Miller of the United States makes a jump during men's super combined downhill training at the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics on Tuesday in Krasnaya Polyana, Russia. Image via Luca Bruno/AP.]

First, the good news: Pascal Tessier, a senior at Bethesda-Chevy Chase High School in Maryland, just became the first openly gay Eagle Scout in the U.S. The bad news: The Boy Scouts are probably going to kick Tessier out in a couple of months.

Yesterday, Business Insider chief correspondent Nicholas Carlson stuck a subtle shiv into his competitors at Buzzfeed, attributing the site's success in exploiting Facebook's ever-evolving newsfeed algorithm to its practice of buying traffic in the form of Facebook ads—as opposed to, you know, attracting readers. Then he took it out. Without telling anyone.

Valentine's Day ads for white people.

Imagine driving down the street on a lovely Saturday afternoon when you look over and there, standing on the side of the road, is a man dressed as a banana, holding an AK-47 with a 50-round magazine attached.

It's all fun and games, until some LGBT activists say your games are kinda gay.

It's hard being a kid. Teenagers across America say they're stressed out, and many report feeling "overwhelmed, depressed or sad." No wonder. Many of them are not drinking coffee.

If you're bored with regular church service and feel like your relationship with Christ could use more middle-aged naked people, we have some good news: A church in Virginia has decided to encourage nude prayer.

Shirley Temple, the legendary former child star, died on Monday night at her California home. She was 85.

How dangerously would you drive your car, just to get a baby to make this face? How many laws would you break?

Johnny Weir—figure skater and fashion plate—opts for a conservative ruffled shirt and silver hardware for a Monday Today appearance. Not pictured: Bob Costas, wearing conjunctivitis in a ravishing pink.