Some call them political radicals, some say they’re just petty criminals—but there’s no denying that the State College Bandits have captured our attention—and hearts—after a Lacoste shoe heist. Will they ever face justice?

Over the weekend, some Penn State guy’s suede Lacoste shoes were stolen out of his apartment hallway (which he was treating as his personal shoe closet) according to this tweet and corresponding report by the State College Police Department:

On Saturday, September 19, 2015, State College Police were called to 255 East Beaver Avenue where a victim reported that his Lacoste brand suede shoes were stolen. He took off the shoes to enter his apartment briefly and when he returned a few minutes later, they were gone from the hallway.

Upon review of surveillance footage, 2 females are seen leaving a party from a neighboring apartment around 1:00am and taking the shoes before leaving the building. The first white female has long blonde hair, was wearing khaki shorts, a blue tank top and tan flat shoes. The second white female has long brown hair, was wearing denim shorts, a long sleeved grey shirt and white sneakers.

Wow, it’s just like some shitty version of the Bling Ring. But where are these shoes now? Why did the victim leave his Lacoste brand suede shoes in the hallway? Was this party pretty chill (I’ll text you when I get there, OK let me know how it is) or nah? Was this premeditated, or a crime of passion? What are the odds that one of these girls is named Emily? When will the national scourge of white criminality end?

The SCPD encourages that you narc on these two girls who refuse to play by the rules and will not stop living out loud, even if that means a pair of Lacoste brand suede shoes goes missing now and then. But I hope they never stop running, that the ride never ends, that the dream never dies, from here to East Beaver Avenue.

Contact the author at biddle@gawker.com.
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