A British politician receiving a largely ceremonial induction from the Queen is apparently grappling with deep-seated questions like, “Do I have to kneel?” and “Can I fake kissing her?”

Jeremy Corbyn, the leader of the Labour Party, will be sworn in later today to the Privy Council, which carries the very real honour of confidential security briefings and what I suspect is a very fake honour of using “Right Honourable as a title, as opposed to the merely Honourable.”

But Corbyn’s left-wing politics are ruining the ceremony of it all. (According to The Express, he skipped a Privy Council meeting last month which resulted in Buckingham Palace pulling the “Right Honourable” title right from underneath him.)

Now, months later, he has to swear in or shut up. And it’s still up in the air whether he’ll conform to tradition, which requires the honoree to “kneel on a footstool in front of the Queen, who proffers her right hand.”

But it’s apparently not that hard to fake: Politician John Prescott, the Guardian reports, “hopped ‘from one chair to another’ rather than kneeling.”

Another, Tony Benn, kissed himself: “‘I always put my thumb out and kissed my thumb,’ he wrote in his diaries.”

Here are some other tips for pretending to respect the Queen while secretly disrespecting her:

  • Wear a mask and kiss her with that
  • Pretend your knee is broken
  • Tell her you have a cold and you don’t want her to get sick
  • Send her an email from Barcelona—this is embarrassing but you lost your wallet and cell phone and you need a bank transfer to pay the hotel—can she wire you money ASAP?
  • Wear a tux with a regular button down shirt
  • Tell her you thought she’d look more like Helen Mirren
  • Slowly rip a ten pound note in half without breaking eye contact
  • Cross your fingers the whole ceremony
  • I don’t know, why not just do whatever you have to do to get the confidential documents?
  • Or don’t, whatever

Image via AP. Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.