Call 911 If You See This Huge-Ass Blimp on the Loose Today
Here’s a metaphor: a remote-controlled, tremendously expensive, basically useless JLENS aerial surveillance blimp has detached from its tether at Aberdeen Proving Ground in Maryland. If you see it, call the authorities. Do NOT try to get it down yourself.
The $2.7 billion blimp program was the subject of a recent, withering profile in the Los Angeles Times that described as the quintessential runaway Pentagon project:
Seventeen years after its birth, JLENS is a stark example of what defense specialists call a “zombie” program: costly, ineffectual and seemingly impossible to kill.
Instead of detecting things like cruise missiles and terrorists, the sensor-laden airship basically doesn’t do anything except burn tax dollars and look sort of cool floating in the air. It was also designed to withstand hurricane-force winds without getting blown away, and yet now it’s floating away and up the eastern seaboard, the Baltimore Sun reports, and nobody knows why:
The 243-foot-long, helium-filled blimp detached from its mooring on the Edgewood Area of Aberdeen Proving Grounad at about 11:54 a.m., a spokeswoman for the Army installation said. It was pulling approximately 6,700 feet of cable.
That’s a lot of cable—but don’t try to grab it yourself. Call the police:
JLENS blimp has broken free of its tether and is now over Pennsylvania at 16,000 feet. Two fighter jets are monitoring: NORAD spokesman
— Matthew Hay Brown (@matthewhaybrown) October 28, 2015
The blimp from @USAGAPG has come off its tether. If you see it on the ground, call 911. Here's what it looks like. pic.twitter.com/mRHhpJdfHU
— Joppa-Magnolia VFC (@jmvfc8) October 28, 2015
Godspeed.
BLIMP UPDATE: A student at Central Columbia High School in Bloomsburg, PA says she’s spotted the JLENS:
@samfbiddle @maddisonmall pic.twitter.com/qZhY7o02mx
— Harles (@harleighwelsh1) October 28, 2015
UPDATE 2: Another student in Bloomsburg has tweeted this video that appears to show the blimp going down: “Oh my God, it’s goin’ down,” someone exclaims.
@ABC @GMA Landed in bloomsburg right by my school. Knocked out the power at CMVT. pic.twitter.com/WLJydKVf2I
— Fisher P Creasy (@FPCreasy) October 28, 2015
Update 3: Not so fast—the JLENS isn’t down all the way, and reportedly leaving a trail of destruction in its wake:
MSNBC reports #JLENS is dragging its 1.5 mile tether behind it, taking out power lines!
— Dan Froomkin (@froomkin) October 28, 2015
Untethered JLENS #blimp cable is dragging the ground in Bloomsburg and causing massive power outages, Columbia Co DPS Director says.
— Dianne Gallagher (@DianneG) October 28, 2015
Pennsylvania emergency officials tell @JillianBHughes #blimp is “moving fast” & dragging over 5,000 feet of steel chain
— Mary Walsh (@CBSWalsh) October 28, 2015
Update 4: Watch out!
Drag line on property near Bloomsburg, PA. Witness says he saw blimp cable dragging near his home. pic.twitter.com/g30HY5iclC
— Andy Mehalshick (@AndyMehalshick) October 28, 2015
Update 5: There are reportedly 20,000 people without power in Bloomsburg right now. Thanks, Raytheon:
There are currently more than 20,000 without power in the Bloomsburg area, according to Joe Nixon with PPL Electric. Nixon said they have “reports that the blimp hit power lines in the Bloomsburg area” and that they are going to the scene to investigate.
Nixon noted it is rainy and windy in the area.
Fuck.
Update 6: NORAD is now reporting the blimp is down for the count in Pennsylvania.
#foundblimp #bloomsburg #blimp shot by Susan Switzer & Rhame Eyer @LDNews pic.twitter.com/9wnUFXQ3mh
— Michael K. Dakota (@DakotaLDN) October 28, 2015
Contact the author at biddle@gawker.com.
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