The scariest thing about ISIS (if, like most Americans, you are in no actual danger of coming into contact with ISIS) is that the more members (or fanboys) you follow on Twitter, the more they resemble you and your friends, in that we are all petty idiots. Today, one militant is taking a break from building the Caliphate to beef with some guy on social media.

Abu Yusuf Al-Jabarti is an avid tweeter (his handle, @AlJabarti42, indicates he’s been banned 41 times) and supporter of the Islamic State. Most of his tweets are like this, just trying to expand his brand like everyone else:

He’s also real fuckin’ pissed at @Jazrawi_Uuod, who is allegedly talking shit about Al-Jabarti’s fiancee, Umm Qaqa.

At first, he just wanted to stay out of the drama (don’t we all):

(Branding-wise, Twitter could do worse than “A place to read the news until the day you make hijra.”)

Meanwhile, Jazrawi was dropping some heavy subtweets:

But a man can only take so much. He tried to be civil:

Then he started taking shots (who hasn’t been there??):

Then it was time to throw down—Jazrawi, you’ve been called out:

Oh shit...

All I can say is “damn.” They tried to hold him back...

But you can’t make fitna (An Arabic and Quranic term that translates roughly to “persecution”) against a guy’s bride-to-be and expect him to stand idly by:

I think that we can all agree that, while the views and actions of ISIS are repugnant, “May Allah humiliate you so much that you wont even dare to come on twitter ever again” is an incredible line that I will be using to shut down all trolls in the future.

I asked Abu Yusuf Al-Jabarti for comment, and he blocked me. Now who’s making fitna?

Contact the author at biddle@gawker.com.
Public PGP key
PGP fingerprint: E93A 40D1 FA38 4B2B 1477 C855 3DEA F030 F340 E2C7