Bernie Sanders and Michael Stipe Went to Coney Island Together and Are Almost Certainly In Love

As The New York Times has it, Bernie Sanders spent his Sunday chowing on sauerkraut-smothered Nathan’s hot dogs and mingling with constituents at a rally on Coney Island, accompanied by both his loving wife and Rock Guy Michael Stipe.

The paper of record can try to fool us with this “rally” nonsense all they want. We all know what’s really going on here: a date! A sensuous opera of sweet music and electoral politics and grey hair that is the pairing of Bernie Sanders and R.E.M. frontman Michael Stipe. How am I sure that the coupling of Bernie Sanders and his wife is nothing more than a One Direction-caliber sham constructed to cover up the budding Stipe-Sanders courtship? Their hot dog orders couldn’t be more different. From the Times:

“This is a breaking story,” Mr. Sanders said smiling, when asked how he liked his hot dog. “Mustard and sauerkraut.”

His wife frowned. “Ketchup, sometimes onions,” Ms. Sanders said.

If you can’t share a hot dog with your beloved, Lady and the Tramp-style, why even bother?