A Terrorist Attack Is as Good a Reason as Any to End the "Artisanal" Craze

Just when you and the rest of our tired nation thought the greatest artisanal threats to America would come from garlic aioli, accent-wall paneling, and hand-cobbled baby booties made of sun-cured lamb jerky, a far graver specter is rising is rising in Europe: bean-to-bar bombmaking, brought to you by the humble craftsmen of the Islamic State.

A Gawker reader points out the following galling paragraph from “How ISIS Built the Machinery of Terror Under Europe’s Gaze,” an article in today’s New York Times:

One of the first clues that the Islamic State was getting into the business of international terrorism came at 12:10 p.m. on Jan. 3, 2014, when the Greek police pulled over a taxi in the town of Orestiada, less than four miles from the Turkish border. Inside was a 23-year-old French citizen named Ibrahim Boudina, who was returning from Syria. In his luggage, the officers found 1,500 euros, or almost $1,700, and a French document titled “How to Make Artisanal Bombs in the Name of Allah.”

From this day forward, no more family recipes, no more barrel-aged lager, no more bourgeois yearning for authentic experience, no more sriracha avocado toast. It is our duty to stand together against terrorism, and we will do whatever it takes.