When the faceless editors of Wikipedia decide an article is not fit for public consumption, it’s gone, only accessible to the site’s top editors—at least, it was. But now we’re keeping track of all the articles Wikipedia doesn’t see fit to print, to present you with very best of the site’s weirdest and worst. Please, enjoy.

Ralph Uptegraft III

Ralph Kenneth Uptegraft, who was born in either July of 1958 or never, lived the sort of life we should all strive for—one of full of accomplishment, sexual promiscuity, and getting shot “in the immune system.”

Best line:

Going into the Marine Corps at the age of 17 under order to rescue POW’s he was shot in the immune system 3 years later severely injuring him. After having 3 daughters all with different women, Ralph spent his time exploring new locations to him, anaylizing [sic] Native culture.

Why it got deleted:

The incredibly jealous virgin editors of Wikipedia decided to delete this American hero’s page because he is a) not real and b) they “find it hard to understand how one can be shot in the immune system.”

Why it shouldn’t have been:

This is no way to treat a veteran.

Sonichu (Comic)

Sonichu, as you might have guessed from his name and appearance, is a Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu hybrid created by vlogger/amateur cartoonist Chris-chan.

Best line:

The most notable line here exists not in the article itself, but in the deletion discussion between Wikipedia’s editors. User 0xF8E8 says (emphasis added), “The sources that can be found on the comic are generally unreliable Internet media, e.g. blogs, Youtube, wikis—the comic has never been mentioned in any reliable online or print media.”

Sounds like someone has been burned by blogs before. Classic case of blog burn. Ted Cruz knows how much that can hurt, and would probably be sympathetic.

Why it got deleted:

Because Sonichu is not “notable” and because Ted Cruz is apparently going on Wikipedia vendetta against “unreliable Internet” blogs. Additionally, Sonichu is almost certainly a copyright violation.

Why it shouldn’t have been:

If you head over to Sonichu’s own personal wiki-site, you will see the most phenomenal illustrations (for instance, the one’s above). Who needs Seedfeeder? Let Chris-chan bring Wikipedia to life.

Excitable Ones

The Excitable Ones is the general term for fans of the still objectively very good band 311.

Best line:

The page lists several alleged 311 song lyrics that reference its “Excitable” fans, for instance:

A B-side from the production of the self titled album, 311, and featured on their recent release dubbed “Archive” the reference can be found in the lyric “Teenage dream to work with Ron SaintHome he ain’t, we layin’ tracks in Cali The dude is excitable like a pep rally.”

That is one hell of a stretch.

Why it got deleted:

Mostly for not being notable, but one editor decided to jump in with “because this kind of stuff is like fashion, the lowest form of philosophy.” Why those words are in that order, however, remains a mystery.

Why it shouldn’t have been:

Don’t kill my vibe, man

8038472

8038472 is the number one but 8038472 times.

Best line:

Allow me to present the article in full:

8038472 is an even number. It comes after 8038471. It also comes before 8038473.

This has been “8038472.”

Why it got deleted:

For not being “notable”—and yet! This is a mere fraction of the discussion on whether or not to delete this allegedly insignificant work:

Why it shouldn’t have been:

I have yet to spot even one factual inaccuracy.