If someone "says a curse word against my mother, he can expect a punch," [Pope Francis] joked.

Pope's momma so fat they send up white smoke when she puts her fork down.

Pope's momma so ugly they switched back to Latin Mass so they don't have to turn around and look at her.

Pope's momma smells so bad when she walks into church they have to light all the candles at once.

Pope's momma so fat Jesus ran out of fishes.

Pope's momma so fat when he said he wasn't gonna wear the red pope shoes she said "What's shoes?"

Pope's momma so dumb she went to the Vatican tombs looking for Malcolm X.

Pope's momma so dumb she asked for a papal bull at Sizzler.

Pope's momma so fat they give her a poker chip instead of a communion wafer.

Pope's momma so ugly they baptized her with Holy Bondo.

Pope's momma's feet stink so bad Jesus stood 10 yards off with a pressure washer.

Pope's momma so broke she stole hubcaps off the Popemobile.

Pope's momma so dumb she renounced dogma because of her pet allergies.

Pope's momma so fat the bathroom scale just said "HIGH MASS."

Pope's momma drank so much at communion Jesus got anemia.

Pope's momma so dumb she went on Fandango and tried to buy tickets to Vatican II.

[Photo illustration by Jim Cooke, original photos via Getty]