Samuel L. Jackson's Insane Twitter Account Proves He Is Team USA's Most Enthusiastic Fan
As Team USA slides ever further behind China in the race to acquire the most gold necklaces this Olympics, America's athletes need a cheerleader. A cheerleader who will root for them with passion that is unbridled, unrivaled, and, at times, unsettling. A cheerleader who loves them more than their parents do.
Actor Samuel L Jackson is that cheerleader.
DREAM REALISED!!!!! US Gymnastic GOLD!! Strong performances! Pressure makes DIAMONDS!!! Go USA!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) August 1, 2012
Samuel L. Jackson's Twitter page is, above all, an excitable place. It's a place bursting with pride: for Americans, for athletes, for humans in general.
With CAPSLOCK, exclamation points!, and the insertion of variations of the word "motherfucking" into the middle of various no-mohfukking-uns, Jackson creates an M. C. Escher-esque quarantine zone of Olympic fever, where nationalism mixes with joy on top of adrenaline that is walking upside down on a sideways staircase next to glory.
Awwwright!!! We bout to get some fairer sex IRON RAISIN'!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) July 31, 2012
BUTTAFUQQINFLY WORLD RECORD!!!! Dayummmm! Go USA!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) July 30, 2012
Even when a rare misstep by Team USA causes Samuel L. Jackson's lips to pucker—for a moment—with the bitter taste of defeat, he remains unflaggingly positive, focusing not on the loss at hand, but the excitement of sport:
Mike was chasin' it HARD! Wasn't to be I guess. Thrills though!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) August 1, 2012
But not all is high fives and fist pumps in the world of Samuel L. Jackson's Olympic Twitter obsession.
The actor, who watches the Olympics more closely than perhaps any other human being in America or on Earth, frequently voices his opinion that the Olympic judges are behaving less than honorably.
I can't say enuf that these judges are SHADY!!!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) August 1, 2012
Hater Judge in there somewhere!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) August 1, 2012
A TALKING BACK RED CARD!!! More SKETCHY judge/ ref Shit!!!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) July 31, 2012
That was NOT a handstand, more like a handSplit! UK gets JACKED by judges!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) July 31, 2012
It's hard to identify which sport is Jackson's favorite, since it seems from the tweets like every sport is his favorite. But his very very super special number one absolute favorite might be women's gymnastics.
Heeeeeere We Goooooo! Women's Gymnastics!I BELIEVE!!!! Go USA!!!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) August 1, 2012
While all of the other sports generate reams of enthusiastic appreciation from Jackson, it's when discussing women's gymnastics that he really starts to get creative.
Nt only with his praise.
Also with his burns.
Can't imagine what kinda Fuckin' up musta been goin' on for Russia to win Silver! Gotta be Ass Busting' worthy of our amusement!!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) August 1, 2012
Okay, that was Drunk Lady Staggering Flip dismount! Made famous by many girls missing the top step in da club!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) August 1, 2012
That was that Trip & Pour My Drink on 4or5 folks 'scuse me Gurl move!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) August 1, 2012
Samuel L. Jackson displays an insider's familiarity with the women's gymnastics. Here he is praising the U.S. "GYMUPHUGGINASTERS"' performance on balance beam — the event considered by many gymuphugginasters to be the most difficult in competition:
Got past the True Hardness! That BEAM's a BEEYOTCH!! Les' get ta TUMBLIN'! Go USA!!!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) August 1, 2012
He can even speak knowledgeably about Women's Olympic Gymnastics: A History. Here, Jackson observes that the balance of power has shifted since the glory days of Romanian power-coach Béla Károlyi, and also that he is sleepy:
Bout to shut it down. Looks like Romania ain't what it used to be...in gymnastics. prolly gon fall asleep to that White Water Kayaking!
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) July 30, 2012
Below is a list of events Jackson has followed thus far in the Games. Read through his Twitter backlog for frenetic, ebullient coverage of each.
(Unless otherwise noted, assume that Samuel L. Jackson has provided color commentary on both the men's and women's competitions.)
- Gymnastics
- Badminton (BADMUHFOUGHCCENMINTON)
- Table Tennis
- Archery
- Handball
- White Water Kayaking
- Swimming
- Water Polo
- Beach Volleyball
- Basketball
- Soccer
- Field Hockey
- Weight Lifting (Women's)
- Cycling
- Boxing (he found it "BORING!")
If there were a gold medmuffuggindal for enthusiasm, Samuel L. Jackson, you would win it.