Bow Before Your New Idol, America
This young man, Leesburg, Georgia native Phillip Phillips, has just been crowned the new winner of American Idol, Season 11.
Phillips, a noted chill guy, was heavily favored to win coming out of Tuesday night's performance and, since the only thing America loves more than an underdog is an unstoppable champion who crushes all competitors into bloody pulps of hair and skin and weakness and tears (sorry, sixteen-year-old Jessica Sanchez, you seemed sweet), win he did.
He is a star now.
Somewhere Brian Dunkleman weeps.