A new study in the New England Journal of Medicine found that over a 13-year period studied, there "was a significant inverse association between coffee consumption and mortality," meaning that people who drank coffee had a lower risk of death, particularly from "heart disease, respiratory problems, strokes, injuries and accidents, diabetes and infections."

Really? Great. I don't give a shit if drinking coffee makes you 100% more likely to be dead by massive caffeine-induced heart attack stroke infected lung collapse diabetes car crash, 13 years from now. It's ten in the fucking morning so give me coffee. Science. It's ten in the fucking morning. We're proud of you, but can you just, just, please, give me ten minutes to drink some coffee before you hit me with this shit man.

[NEJM. Photo: Raymond Brown/ Flickr]